I just thought of this amazing idea!!!* Since we always mention how Sun/Yunjin is the Goddess of the island and she is heavenly luminous and now we have that random posts - SUN style thingy which basically are like amazing descriptions of the SUN emporess lolol, i figured we can squeeze them all into a POEM!!* She deserves to have a poem describing her uniqueness and beauty and so on.....So basically, we're gonna end up with an amazing poem with an amazing title (lol), all about her character!!! yay. i can't wait to finish this!! This is gonna be great!!

so, i guess we should just start brainstorming and jetting down some ideas now!!!
hm...i'll start with some descriptions- Sunlight, Sunbright, Sunshine....and it can be any adjective.* It doesn't have to be s/t with SUN in it's name!* but i like to be creative as you can all tell!! lol. hm....So does anybody have any ideas on how we should do this???
How is this:

My world is different than yours
I live in a world filled with SUNlight and hope
Darkness and hatred do not flow in my rivers
Mine overflow with love and SUNny delights (lolol)
And I worship my luminous Goddess,
The one responsible for all that is whole and pure in this world
The one known as SUN....

This is just an example but if you want to, you guys can continue the poem from here.* I think it's actually good so far lol. Make it everlasting. I was just jetting through this, so please make corrections.* It's always important to proofread.* *Make this a great poem.* Everybody must help with this!!* Be creative.* Use similies, metaphors, personification...* Good luck!!!!

I LOVE this idea!

I'm devoid of creativity right now...but I'll be back later! ;)

yay. I love ppl who love my ideas!!! so technically, I love you lolol!!! Come back soon with your creativity and thesorous (lol, to come up with some big, nce, fancy words lolol)

bookmarking this thread.

I shall return ...

:)

and we shall all be waiting!! i just have no time to add on or make any corrections!!! i have big test soon :'(

Poor bigdawg. :lol2: Since you are not a DIMPLE, you are not regularly subjected to my poetic pontificating, so you had no way of knowing what a can of worms you were opening by starting this thread.

I give you ...

The Butterfly

Born to privilege and wealth
Raised to be perfection
Always stand with honor
Don't speak without reflection

Keep the trust of family
Obey the rules of men
Cleave to what you're told is best
By Father before Jin

A quiet decoration
Too delicate to touch
Protected from reality
Caged by life and such

She pressed against the bars until
One day they disappeared
Her world dissolved into a place
Both wonderful and weird

Here she sheds her chrysalis
And finds her inner self
The her who might have lived and died
A trinket on a shelf

The thrill of contribution
And showing off your worth
Intoxicating freedom
And things not known since birth

A luminescent beauty
Fate chose as the one
Named for heaven's brightest star
The shining lady - Sun

Sheba - seriously....that was SOOOOOOOOO perfect!!! :'(

I'm going to become your official poetry groupie if you're not careful!!! :lol2:

Sheba - seriously....that was SOOOOOOOOO perfect!!!* :'(

I'm going to become your official poetry groupie if you're not careful!!!* :lol2:


oooooh, cool !! I've never had a groupie before !! :lol2:

You can just read your poems...and I'll hold up a lighter and get all weepy! ;D

HOOOOOOO-LY CRAP!! * :o

You never fail to satisfy. *That was BEAUTIFUL!! *Especially these lines:

Named for heaven's brightest star
The shining lady - Sun


Okay, hate to throw a challenge your way again, and you may have already done one, but have you thought about writing one for Kate? *

HOLY SHEBAAAA!!!!!!! That was PERFECT, amazing!!!!! wow!!! wowow!!! how long did it take you to come up with that!!! wowowowowowowowow!!! I love the last two lines also!!! amazing!! but why did you cvall it the butterfly lol?? Where's the connection? Also, i'm also gonna join you're poetry club. lolol hehe ;)

i actually think it would sound even better if you switched the "until" and make it the first word of the next line! how does this sound?....
The Butterfly

Born to privilege and wealth
Raised to be perfection
Always stand with honor
Don't speak without reflection

Keep the trust of family
Obey the rules of men
Cleave to what you're told is best
By Father before Jin

A quiet decoration
Too delicate to touch
Protected from reality
Caged by life and such

She pressed against the bars
Until one day they disappeared - this is the correction i made!!
Her world dissolved into a place
Both wonderful and weird

Here she sheds her chrysalis
And finds her inner self
The heir who might have lived and died - and over here i think you meant heir, not her
A trinket on a shelf

The thrill of contribution
And showing off your worth
Intoxicating freedom
And things not known since birth

A luminescent beauty
Fate chose as the one
Named for heaven's brightest star
The shining lady - Sun

THE MASTERPIECE!!!

i actually think it would sound even better if you switched the "until" and make it the first word of the next line! how does this sound?....

She pressed against the bars
Until one day they disappeared - this is the correction i made!!
Her world dissolved into a place
Both wonderful and weird


It depends on how you read it ... where you place the emphasis on the words. It throws off the pentameter of the line the way I read it, because it leaves the previous line two syllables short.

Here she sheds her chrysalis -- why I call it The Butterfly. :)

1. A pupa, especially of a moth or butterfly, enclosed in a firm case or cocoon.
2. A protected stage of development.


And finds her inner self
The heir who might have lived and died - and over here i think you meant heir, not her
A trinket on a shelf

I meant "her"... as in herself. Since "self" is a rhyming word in that stanza, I did not want to repeat it in a non-rhyming line.

It is always interesting to get an idea *how* people read what you have written, since in the cyber world you can't actually hear them do it.

Thanks to all for the kind words. :D

oo, now i understand you!! so how do you want it to be?? Should i change it back??? So i'll try it like this and see how you respond:

Born to privilege and wealth
Raised to be perfection
Always stand with honor
Don't speak without reflection

Keep the trust of family
Obey the rules of men
Cleave to what you're told is best
By Father before Jin

A quiet decoration
Too delicate to touch
Protected from reality
Caged by life and such

She pressed against the bars
Until one day they disappeared - correction
Her world dissolved into a place
Both wonderful and weird

Here she sheds her chrysalis
And finds her inner self
The her who might have lived and died
A trinket on a shelf

The thrill of contribution
And showing off your worth
Intoxicating freedom
And things not known since birth

A luminescent beauty
Fate chose as the one
Named for heaven's brightest star
The shining lady - Sun

She pressed against the bars
Until one day they disappeared - correction
Her world dissolved into a place
Both wonderful and weird

The placement of the word "until" balances the stanza as it was originally written, in my opinion. I see no error in how it was written, thus I don't understand the need for correction. When the lines are read, it is of no consequence whether "until" is on the page as the last word of the first line or the first word of the second, since the first two lines should be read as one sentence. It is merely a matter of where you choose to pause during reading. What is the rhythm of your reading?

I use little or no punctuation when I write poetry, which leaves it to the reader to discover what rhythm he/she feels best suits the piece.

When I wrote it, I heard it in my head as follows:

She pressed against the bars until ...* *dramatic pause - until what?*
One day they disappeared. *answer to the question*

Aside from messing up the syllable balance, if* you move the word "until", you also change the meaning.

She pressed against the bars. *the line written like this is a complete thought all on its own. (which creates a forced paused) This may be fine, but as a rule, when I am writing poetry, my thoughts are contained within an entire stanza rather than within each individual line.*

I'm not trying to argue. I'm glad you liked the poem, I enjoy writing them. Of course you are free to duplicate it any way you choose, but to me, it will be a typo or a misquote to duplicate it differently than as originally written.

ETA- How long did it take? About half an hour once I sat down to do it.

She pressed against the bars until ... *dramatic pause - until what?*
One day they disappeared. *answer to the question*

ooo. I understand now. See, I was thinking that it she be more in the flow. So, it would sort of sound "smooth"....

She pressed against the bars (pause, but what was the final outcome...)
Until one day they disspeared (the final result)

Ok, so I assume you like your version better lol. But i thihnk we should see what everybody else thinks!!

What I think Sheba is saying big dawg...is that it's not really up to everbody else ;)...lol...

Since she wrote the poem...the official version of it is kind of however she wants it to be :) I mean of course people are ffree to interpret it however they choose from there...but the only real version of anything is the one by the person who wrote it :)

Personally, I'm I'd rather just let people post their work here...but not change anything...:)

lolol, i get it!! ;) so that's a nice way of telling me to stop making up my own versions of this perfect Poem!! lol. hehehe :angel: :angel:

by the way, I think we should all just make up our own poems!! and not only have 1 poem. so 'll be back soon with my poem.
lol, i thought it would take a long time to come u pwith an amazing poem, but then Sheba came in with her perfectness and wrote a perfect poem hehe lol. Go Sheba!! ;) ;D :angel: :laugh: :lol2:

lol....of course! If I ever get off my lazy butt and write some poetry, I'll do one about Sun and post it here :lol2:

I used to be really into writing poetry...but then I discovered more ways to waste time...SIGH ;)

lolol, i know what you mean. I'm a lazy couch potato!!!!! hehe
and btw, did u guys here that farmers are protesting to remove the word couch potato from the dictionary!! They say it demeans vegetables lol!!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA

Are you SERIOUS??? :lol2: :lol2:

YYEEESSSSSS!!!!!! lololol!! I was cracking up 4 like an hour!!! It's so hilarious!!!! I saw it on the Yahoo home page! I promise!
:jump: :devil: :punk: :no2:

The Gift

A gift from the universe
A necessity for mankind
Such a luminous creation
With such Divine might
As pure as a dove
But as mighty as a lion
She is our Goddess
Our worshipper, our SUN

How's this poem?? I quickly jotted down some ideas and this was the final outcome!! Do you guys like it?? Do I need any corrections?? Hope you enjoy reading it!

Very well done. :)

Thanx!! But i just couldn't make it as long as your poem!! lolol!! How could that poem ponly take you 30 mintues!!!??? It's huge lolol!! Well, anyway, thanks for your compliment and great work!!

Thanx!!* But i just couldn't make it as long as your poem!! lolol!!* How could that poem ponly take you 30 mintues!!!??? It's huge lolol!! Well, anyway, thanks for your compliment and great work!!


It's a wierd thing for me. When I decide on a topic to write a poem about, I think about it for a while. It kicks around in my head while I'm doing other things, then when I start to write, most of it usually just spills out pretty quickly. The ones that end up taking the most time are when I know what I want to say, but it takes a while to find words I like, that fit into the lines.

Now ... if I could only figure out a way to make a living with rhyming poems or being good at Scrabble, life would be nearly perfect. :lol2:

It's a wierd thing for me. When I decide on a topic to write a poem about, I think about it for a while. It kicks around in my head while I'm doing other things, then when I start to write, most of it usually just spills out pretty quickly. The ones that end up taking the most time are when I know what I want to say, but it takes a while to find words I like, that fit into the lines.

Now ... if I could only figure out a way to make a living with rhyming poems or being good at Scrabble, life would be nearly perfect.

hehehehe, lolol, you're funny!
well, anyway, the title is always in my head!! and then i just need to take some time to work with my title and make it flow with the rest of my poem!! I don't know why i write like that lol!! it's strange ;). Usually, the title is the thing that comes last!!! :lol2:

The Gift

A gift from the universe
A necessity for mankind
Such a luminous creation
With such Divine might
As pure as a dove
But as mighty as a lion
She is our Goddess
Our worshipper, our SUN*

How's this poem?? I quickly jotted down some ideas and this was the final outcome!!* Do you guys like it??* Do I need any corrections?? Hope you enjoy reading it!




Very nice Big Dawg! :)

That's the kind of poem I tend to write as well...the non-rhyming kind!! ;D

I admire that Sheba can rhyme as well as she does....it's too much work for me ;)

Very nice Big Dawg!

That's the kind of poem I tend to write as well...the non-rhyming kind!!

I admire that Sheba can rhyme as well as she does....it's too much work for me
thannx for your kind words!! it means a lot!! It's just way too annoying to rhyme for me lolol. It'll take too too long hehe. And i don't have the time!! I love writing short, enjoyable poems!! they're fun and usually easy!! But for this one, i tried to make it extra special ;)!!

So, anyway.....When are we going to hear from you?? We're still waiting for your poem!! ;) ;) ;) :angel:

You heard the part about me being lazy right? ;)

Honestly it takes awhile for me to really get started doing something...I'm a horrible procrastinator...and I'm already beind on all kinds of discussions in groups..SIGH

I promise to eventually do it :lol2:

ok, fine lol! I'll let ou have a break. Sry, i don't want to put pressure on you!! hehe. o, and yeah, i've noticed that you've been posting Everywhere lately. Good job!! :angel: