Hi. I'm still pretty new so I don't know if this has been done before...I got this idea from the ABC forums and thought it would be a good idea to have a thread here about things the cast of "Lost" would never say:



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Jack: "Don't you think we should go back to the French woman to find out more about this 'sickness,' where her source of electricity comes from, and all she knows about the 'others?' "

Sayid and the other castaways: "Nah!"

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Charlie: [to Locke] "I WANT MY BLOODY DRUGS!"

Locke: "Nah-uh!" [takes a sniff and sighs] "Ahhh...they're mine now!"

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[As Sawyer is in line at the airport in Sydney, he sees two security officers pull an Arab aside]

Sawyer: [shakes his head] "Hicks..."

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Sun: [to Jin] "I speak English."

Jin: "So do I."

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Sayid: "Did you hit me on the head?"

Locke: "Yes-n-diddy-do!"

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[Michael walks up to Sun as she is brushing her teeth]

Sun: [cries]

Michael: "What's wrong?"

Sun: "I hate aloe vera!"

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[A woman is drowning in the ocean]

Woman: "Help! Please help me!"

Jack: [yawns]

Woman: "Someone please help me!"

Jack: [starts reading Watership Down]

Woman: "Help!!!"

Jack: [takes a bite out of a fruit]

Woman: "Please-"

Jack: "All right, all right already! I'm coming!"

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Jack: "As a doctor on a desert island, I deal with lots of everyday pressures: rain, flooding, getting lost in my own jungle, running out of big "toilet paper" leaves, undercooked boar meat, drug addicts, people who can't swim, kidnapped women, chronically lying brunettes, guys with long blonde hair who like to steal the attention of the girl you like, my father's "ghost," an island "monster"...oh, and tending to the sick. Sometimes I don't have the time to get all the vitamins and minerals I need. That's why I always take Men's One A Day. Just one tablet after a breakfast of mangoes every day, and you'll feel energized, healthy and strong. You may not be able to stop the "others" from kidnapping young women or be able to beat up Ethan Rom, but at least you can feel like you can -- with Men's One A Day. Try it today!"

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Kate: [to Jack] "Help me! I'm drowning!"

Jack: "No! Kate! NOOOOOOO!!!" [jumps into the ocean and swims to her]

Kate: "Ha ha, got'cha! I was just kidding."

Jack: "You weren't kidding, Kate -- you were LYING."

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Charlie: [to Claire] "You're pregnant! Don't you crave anything?"

Claire: "Okay, if you really want to know the truth: I'm not pregnant. It was just an excuse so I could receive special treatment, and also, so people wouldn't know that I'm...I'm...fat!" [cries]

Charlie: "Oh..." [pauses, then yells] "ETHAN! ETHAN! SHE'S OVER HERE!" [to himself] "Well, at least I'll have the peanut butter all to myself." [thinks] "Mmmm, extra smooth peanut butter...my preciousssssssss..."

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Charlie: [tries on one of Claire's dresses] "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, pretty and witty and gay!"

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Jack: [is battling Ethan Rom, but falls to the ground]

Announcer: "What's a matter? Too weak to get up? Too tired to throw a punch?"

Jack: [nods wearily]

Announcer: "Then drink Red Bull!"

Jack: [drinks it and gets up] "It gives you wings!"

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Vincent: [upset] "All right, who ate the last coconut?"

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Shannon: [kicks some sand with her feet] "It's not fair! I asked Boone to get me onto 'The Bachelorette,' NOT 'Survivor!' "

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Jack: [to Locke] "You and Boone discovered this underground hatch and decided not to tell me about it? Cool!"

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Charlie: "You know Locke, you and Boone could be in a soap opera: 'The Bald and the Beautiful.' "

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Shannon: [to Boone] "Give me 1,000,000 US dollars or else I'll tell everyone I'm pregnant with my step-brother's baby!"

Boone: "All right, all right! I'll give you the money, but [I]please, can I name the baby 'Locke?' "

Shannon: "I don't see why not. After all, they're both bald."

Locke: [walks in] "Hey! Didn't you hear? I'm the new spokesperson for Rogaine For Men!"

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[Rose is sitting on the shore, watching the ocean waves]

Jack: [walks up and sits down next to her]

Rose: "You know what Jack?"

Jack: "What?"

Rose: "I've been lying. Yep, that's right. This whole time, it was all a lie. I don't think my husband's alive. And this whole religion thing? -- Nah-uh. Not for me."

Jack: "............."

Rose: "Yep, my husband's dead. He's squash, belly up, departed, deceased, checked out, a goner, stiff, out cold, done for, expired, extinct, no more, rubbed out, snuffed out, finito." [tosses her wedding ring out into the ocean]

Jack: "...I'm sorry."

Rose: "That's all right Jack, but you know what we should do once we get off the island?"

Jack: "What?"

Rose: "Why, you and I should star in 'Titanic' together of course!"

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Michael: [to Walt] "Why yes, son -- of course you can be best friends with Locke! And if he offers you a knife, you take it, you hear?"

Walt: "Aw, thanks Dad!"

Michael: "Of course! And make sure he teaches you lessons in the wild by using you as boar bait."

Walt: "Yes, Dad."

Michael: "-And also how to throw those knives at other people, like Sawyer."

Walt: "Of course, Dad. What do you think he's going to teach me? How to make snares to catch food? Come on, sheesh!"

Michael: [leans back against a tree and relaxes] "Ah, there's no better role model for a boy than a shifty and underhanded boar hunter."

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Hurley: "Hey, you know that saying, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away?' "

Jack: [slightly offended] "Uh, yeah."

Hurley: "Well, it's similar to mangoes."

Jack: "What do you mean?"

Hurley: " 'A mango a day keeps the constipation away.' Dude, let me tell you, it's like, 'whoa!' I swear, ever since I've been on the 'island diet' I've been as 'regular' as the French woman's transmisson."

Jack: [to himself] "I really wish he would eat an apple a day..."

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Jack: [bends to sit down, causing the black and white stones to fall out of his pocket and onto the ground]

Locke: [picks up the black stone and examines it]

Jack: "Uh oh."

Charlie: "Oh no..."

Locke: "It is true then. This is the One Rock."

Boone: "What can I do?"

Locke: "The Rock must be destroyed..."

Boone: "But how?"

Locke: "The Rock must be cast back into the fires of the volcano of the 'others.' Only there can it be unmade..."

Boone: "I cannot do this alone..."

Sayid: [places his hand on Boone's shoulder] "You shall have my maps..."

Hurley: "And my fishing spear..."

Michael: "And my son's dog!"

Walt: "Hey!"

Michael: "Shhh!"

Locke: "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Rock."

Jack: [shakes his head]

Walt: "This stinks. I'm joining Danielle."

Charlie: "Wait for me -- this ain't a place for a Hobbit."

[Meanwhile, the evil Sauron, er, [i]Ethan plots to become the Lord of the Rock once more. Will Boone and his companions survive their adventure?]

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Jin:

Hurley: [runs up to Jin]

Jin: [translated from Korean] "Oh thank goodness you're here!"

Hurley: "I have to tell you something."

Jin: [translated from Korean] "What is so important that could come before me getting killed?"

Hurley: "I JUST SAVED A LOT OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO!" [runs away happily]

Jin: [translated from Korean] "Come back! Help!"

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[Sayid is having problems with the transmitter and goes to different places on the island to speak into it]

Sayid: [on the shore] "Can you hear me now?"

Sayid: [by the caves] "Can you hear me now?"

Sayid: [tied up in a snare high up in a tree] "Can you hear me now?"

Sayid: [tied up underground, about to be electrocuted by Danielle] "Can you hear me now?"

Sayid: [walking along the sea floor under the ocean, only mouthing the words] "Can you hear me now?"

Sayid: [on top of a mountain] "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"

Sayid: "D@&$ it! Next time, before I get onto an airplane, I'm going to make sure the transmitter is not made by Verizon!"

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Walt: "............"

Hurley: "What's a matter little buddy?"

Wait: "I've had so few lines I forget how to speak."

Hurley: "Dude, that sucks!"

Michael: [walks up] "Hey Walt, want to try some new tricks with Vincent?"

Walt: "............"

Michael: "What's wrong, Walt?"

[Walt shakes his head. He takes out the show's script and points out one line.]

Michael: "Oh, you used up your one line...too bad. Bye!"

Walt: [looks sad]

Hurley: "Dude, that really sucks that you can't speak until the next episode."

Walt: [nods]

Hurley: "Hey, I got an idea! How about you and me play some backgammon?"

Walt: [nods again]

[15 minutes later]

Hurley: [takes the die in his hand] "What's that Walt? You want to lose a turn and let me go instead?"

Walt: "............."

Hurley: "Okay, if you're sure."

Walt: "............."

Hurley: "I'll go instead."

Walt: ".............!"

Hurley: "Oh, looks like I win!"

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Locke: [stands on top of a cliff with his arms spread out] "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

Boone: [walks up] "Okay, I think you had too much of that 'goop' today. That's enough already."

Locke: [bops Boone on the back of the head]

Boone: [falls to the ground unconscious]

Locke: "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

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Jin: [untranslated in Korean]

Sun: [untranslated in Korean]

Jin: [untranslated in Korean]

Sun: [untranslated in Korean]

Jin: [untranslated in Korean] !!!

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Hurley: "GUYS! GUYS! THERE'S A RESCUE SHIP WAITING! WE'RE SAVED! COME ON! LET'S GO!"

Michael: "Wait. It's not up to us to decide whether we should go with the rescue ship or stay put."

Sayid: "Yes, let us hear from our leader first."

[Jack returns from taking Vincent to the "restroom"]

Jack: [waves one hand before his nose] "Whew! You might want to wait a while before going over there." [sees Hurley] "Hey Hurley."

Hurley: "A RESCUE TEAM HAS COME FOR US!"

Vincent: [barks twice]

Jack: "One bark for 'yes,' two barks for 'no.' " [to Hurley] "The leader has spoken. We stay on the island."

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Sayid: [to Shannon] "I think I'm pregnant."

Shannon: "If you think you can bribe me for child support payments, think again!"

Sayid: [confused] "What do you mean?"

Shannon: "I mean...why don't we both say it was Boone's child and bribe him instead?"

Sayid: [to himself] "Who knew there would be a mind of a con artist underneath that flawless porcelain skin and shimmering blonde hair...oh well, at least our child will be beautiful."

Shannon: "What was that?"

Sayid: "Nothing."

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Sayid: "Boone, your sister [i]is hot!"

Boone: [uppercuts Sayid off the island]

Sayid: [while flying through the air] "Yes! I knew it would work! Los Angeles, here I come!"

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Sayid:

Danielle: [electrocutes Sayid] "Want some more?"

Sayid: "Oh yeah. You know I like it like that."

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Sawyer: [is tied up to a tree as Sayid tortures him]

Sayid: "Want some more?"

Sawyer: "Oh yeah. You know I like it like that."

Sayid: "That'd cost you five bottles of sunscreen, mister."

Sawyer: "But hey, you get this kind of stuff done for free from the French woman."

Shannon: [barges in] "WHAT?"

Sayid: "Shhh! Okay, okay. Make that two bottles of sunscreen, okay?"

Sawyer: "It's a deal."

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Sayid: [gives Shannon a pair of women's purple shoes] "I wanted to thank you for helping me with the translation. I found these in the wreckage."

Shannon: "What were you doing holding on to these shoes ever since the crash? [i]Hmmmmmmmm?"

Sayid: [blushes] "Okay, okay! So I like to wear women's shoes! There! I admit it! Happy now?"

Shannon: "Wait...any women's shoes?"

Sayid: "Of course not! What do you take me for? I only wear designer shoes!"

Shannon: "Actually...that's hot." [to herself] "Finally, a man with taste." [to Sayid] "Why don't you come and snuggle a little closer you tall-dark-and-handsome-compass-making-Sawyer-torturing-women's-shoe-wearing-
math-and-electronics-junkie!"

Sayid: "Please, call me Professor, Ginger."

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And here are some by others:



Originally posted by kwizoe:

Jack: [to Kate] "I can't decide if I should take the plane, the ship, or the submarine back to the States. Who knew a train even came to this island? Man, if only we had walked 5 minutes west 10 years earlier."



Originally posted by John_Gass:


Larry (the rash guy): "Um, Jack?"

Jack: "Yeah."

Larry: "Um, you're the doctor right?"

Jack: "Yes?"

Larry: "Well, you see I was in the jungle, right..."

Jack: "Get to it Larry."

Larry: "And I had to go to the bathroom real bad, and um, I grabbed a bunch of leaves and you see, I think it was poison ivy. Can you take a look at it for me?"

Jack: "Oh man..."



Originally posted by wetpork:

Locke: "This plane crash has ruined my life! I can't take it anymore!!!"



Originally posted by blrlost:

Vincent: "All right, I confess. I'm responsible for the crash. But I couldn't help it...I just couldn't...couldn't hold it anymore. I HAD TO GO. I mean, Walt is just soooo irresponsible and wouldn't take me for a "walk" before we boarded the plane and well, I had to urinate sometime, right? Who knew it would short-circuit the communications system?"



Originally posted by bkIyngrl71:

Boone: [to Locke] "So, you wanna maybe pick some berries when it gets dark...hee hee?"


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Please post your own favorite fake "Lost" quotes and keep this thread going!

Producers: That's right, this is all a hidden reality show!!!!!
Jack: ....What?
Producers: You didn't know it, but we've been filming you on this island the ENTIRE time!
Jack: But...what about the people in the plane crash? Are you saying they weren't really dead? FOR CHRIST SAKE'S WE BURNED THEM!
Producers: Yeah, that was a sad moment for us, but it was really a beautiful ceremony, I'm sure it's how they'd want to go.
Jack: TO BE BURNED ALIVE ON TELEVISION!?!!!
Producers: Precisely.
Jack: What about the monsters? and the polar bears?
Producers: Isn't it fantastic? Who knew when we picked such a remote island that it would lend itself so beautifully to this production!
Jack: YOU SICK MOTHER *beeeep*...what was that?
Producers: We're live now, we can't edit it out later so we brought in Bob to beep out everything you say.
Jack: Hey Bob, nice to meet you.
Bob: You too!
Jack: So you're saying this was all FAKE?!
Producers: Oh no, no! Every bit of this is real. It's more real then real life. It's reality tv.




-Mr. Kimura
(Elizabeth)

Those are hilarious!!! :lol2:

LOL Rethrowilson!

Here are some more:

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The Sixth Sense]

Jack: [whispers] "I see dead people..."

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"#1 Policy"


[Sayid is making his compass while Locke observes from a distance]

Sayid: "Now, does the sun set in the North or the South? Hmmm, I can't seem to remember..."

Locke: [shakes his head] "I guess when I hit him on the head, I hit a little too hard."

Kate: "I'll say! I mean, look who he's hooking up with!" [points to Shannon] "I mean, with both Jack and Sawyer fawning over me, you'd think it should be obvious to Sayid that I'm the better catch."

Locke: [checks Kate out for the very first time] "Say, you wanna go take a stroll in the jungle of mystery with me?" [winks]

Kate: "Actually, you're not my type. And two's a handful already."

Locke: "Well, I thank you for being honest with me."

Kate: [smiles] "Honesty is the best policy!"

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"Immortal Beloved"




Shannon: [to Sayid] "Those notations? They're song lyrics."

Sayid: "What was the song?"

Shannon: [sings] "Ding dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong! The wicked witch is dead..."

Boone: [runs over with a huge rock in his hand] "[i]Now she will be!" [hits Shannon on the back of the head]

Shannon: [falls to the ground unconscious]

Boone: [arms raised in the air, sings] "Ding dong! The witch is dead!"

Locke: [with a hand extended over his ear, sings] "Which old witch?"

Jack: [joins in, sings] "The wicked witch!"

Boone, Locke, and Jack: [arm in arm, sing] "Ding dong! The wicked witch is dead..."

Sayid:

Michael: [wakes Walt from his sleep, sings] "Wake up sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed..."

Sun: [translated from Korean, sings] "Wake up, the wicked witch is dead..."

Walt: [opens his eyes, becomes suddenly animated, sings] "She's gone where the goblins go-"

Hurley: [points to the ground, sings] "-Below, below, below!"

Sawyer: [swings his arms, sings] "Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out!" [starts handing out goodies from his "stash"]

Charlie: [in his Hobbit attire, sings] "Ding dong! The [i]'merry,' oh!" [jumps up] "Sing it high!" [squats down] "Sing it low!"

Vincent: [twirls in circles, barks happily]

Everyone: [sings] "Let them know: The wicked witch is dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shannon: [stirs and regains consciousness] "What happened?"

Sayid: "Oh thank heavens! Beloved, you are all right!" [embraces Shannon]

Everyone: "Aw, man!" [walks away]

Vincent: [whimpers, trots away]

Shannon and Sayid: [live happily ever after]

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Please, everyone help keep this thread going by posting your own favorite fake "Lost" quotes!

I would have to say this is the funniest thread I've read in a long time :laugh:

Thanks we needed that.

Jin: "Hey Jack, now that we're off that island after 15 years, let's hire the Harlem Globetrotters to come play at the new hotel we should open on that same island!"

Jack: "That's not my problem. You dudes handle it yourselves."
Locke: "OK, let me tell you what I know..."
Kate: "You're right, Jack."
Eko: "Oh man, Hurley cracks me up."
Sawyer: "If you take the Laplace transform of the gamma distribution function times the log (base 2) of the signal's entropy, the steganographic code hidden in the transmission is quite obvious, within an acceptable margin for error."
Shannon: "Every so often I reflect on the myriad forms of human suffering, and it truly makes me appreciate how blessed I've been."
Sayid: "You've gotta fight - for your right - to paaaaaaarty!"
Michael: "Come to think of it, the kid would've cramped my style back home."
Sun: "Time to go kick some Other tail! Let's move it, maggots!"

Claire: I've looked into the eye of this island and what i saw was beautiful

Jack: I love you Sawyer

Ana Lucia: Im sorry for killing Shannon, no wait im just kidding, im glad that b***h is dead

Boone: Shannon, Sayid looks like a monkey

Sayid: Does anyone know how to turn on a radio?

Kate: I love you Vincent

Sun: Yo yo yo! Whats up my b***hes!

Hurley: My real name is Hayley, i had a sex change with all the money i won in the lottery!

Vincent: (singing) You all everbody!

Thought up a few more...

Sawyer: "As FDR once said..."
Claire: "...and another thing: Driveshaft sucked!"
Walt: "Whatever you say, Dad."

Eko: Oooh! Waffles! I just simply lurve waffles! (eko takes a bite) I shouldn't be eating these im on a diet cause im so fat!

Aaron: 7 Days!!

Anyone to anyone else: Did you hear about <fill in any odd occurrence here>? No? Let me tell you about it....

Locke: Okay, you can tell me what I can't do.

Jack: Help! Someone go get Jack! Wait, I'm Jack, damn.

Locke: "Erm, about the whole wheelchair thing... It was all just a big welfare benefit scam"

Zeke: The thing is...we're going to have to take the boy.
Michael: ...what?!
Walt: Dad?!
*silence*
Michael: No way, we're not going to give you anybody!
Zeke: Don't worry. I have some good news for you.
Sawyer: And what would that be, cowboy?
Zeke: I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

Ana: Are you hittin' that?
Jack: Hittin' what?
Ana: Kate.
Jack: No, I haven't hit Kate. Why would I hit her?
Ana: I mean, you're stranded here on an island. You're hot...she's hot...it's only natural.
Jack: It's not very nice to hit people.

LMAO! This game looks pretty fun. Cool idea:smile:

Sun: I need to talk to you!
Michael: You speak english!!
Sun: Duh! Isn't that obvious

Hurley: Dude, I thought you were dead
Artz: Yeah the monster killed me a few minutes ago!
*Jack has another flashback
Artz:I thought I would save everyone by letting Jack blow up instead

Michael: You speak English?!
Sun: Yes. My husband doesn't know. He has a bad temper.
Michael: Yeah, no $h!t, Sherlock.

Charlie: Don't worry, I'm fine. Charlie's fine, by the way.
Kate: Who the hell is Charlie?

Shannon: What are you like 2 years older than me!
Kate: Actually Shannon....... Im your...... mother!

Hurley: 4 8 15 16 23 42 4 8 15 16 23 42 4...
Kate: Do you even know how to count?

Locke: Boone was a sacrifice the island demanded
Jack: Shut up you bald wanker!!

Sawyer: Hey Rerun or Jabba or Hoss...
Hurley to Sawyer: :censored:

Hurley: 4 8 15 16 23 42 49 17 34 56 ermmmm

Ana Lucia (thinking): It's an other! BAM BAM BAM!
*shoots Shannon*
*Sayid runs up and cradles Shannon in his arms*
Michael: Uh...Ana Lucia? She wasn't an other, she was one of the survivers from the mid-section of the plane.
*Ana Lucia has a shocked look on her face*
Narrator: Wanna get away? Southwest Airlines now lets you fly from Denver to Phoenix for only $49 round trip. *ding* You are now free to move throughout the country.

LMAO!!! I love this thread! I'm so glad you all started this! Now I must go and think of something to put on here as well.:smile: Please keep these coming!!!

anyone: hey ive got an idea, lets sit around the campfire and tell everyone the strange stuff thats happened to us on the island.
Locke: ill go 1st

Kate [on piano]: It seems today, that all ya see, is violence in movies, and sex on T.V...
Jack [poking his head out from the side of the screen]: But where are those good ol' fashioned values-
Jack and Kate together: On which we used to rely?!
[The screen folds down to expose a theatre-type area with Baby Aaron, Hurley, Sun, and Vincent on the stage.]
Everyone: Lucky he's a Family Guy! Lucky he's a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us-
Aaron [being held by Kate]: Laugh and cry!
Everyone: He's...our...Fam-ily...GUY!
[The scene fades to reveal Charlie on the beach coming out of a heroine-induced haze. It is clear everything that just happened was in Charlie's dream.]
Charlie: Man... this stuff is STRONG...

--------------------

[Scene opens, it is a large boardroom with Gerald DeGroot at one end of the table and Alvar Hanso at the other end. Papers are strewn about the table. It is clear a deal has just been made.]
Alvar Hanso: Okay, I'm funding your brainchild with all the money you'll ever need for it. So, what exactly do you plan to do with the money?
Gerald DeGroot [obviously drunk]: Okay, so *hiccup* I'ma buy a deserted island, and, like *hiccup* put an underground room somewhere on it *hiccup* and inside is a button *hiccup* that needs to be pressed every 108 minutes *hiccup* by a guy we conned into doing it! *hiccup* And, like, put *hiccup* some monster made of black smoke *hiccup* in it...and some guys that kidnap kids for *hiccup* no particular reason *hiccup* ...and a french chick for good measure! *hiccup* And then make a plane *hiccup* crash on the island! ... Holy crap somebody get me another vodka!!!

lmao i love this thread i love the witch is dead musical:
jack: "kill the pig! spill it's blood! cut it's throat!"

micheal; "ETHAN! ETHAN! ETHAN! they took my boy. they took ethan."

"henry": "dharma flakes. they're GGRRRRRREAT!"

shannon: "whats jeff probst doing here?"

rose(machetes sawyers head off) 'give me the guns f**cker'


zeke: (crying) i love you guys. i dont know what i'd do without you. you complete me.

Henry: Fine, I'll tell you all the secrets of the Others, just as soon as I GET MY MILK!!!

The Pilot: Actually I crashed the plane on purpose... the co-pilot dared me $20 to do it!

Walt: I see dead people....

jack: "kill the pig! spill it's blood! cut it's throat!"
Lord of the Flies for the win.

Hurley: [to everyone] So, what does everyone like to drink?

Jack: I like sex on the beach.

Sawyer: Mint julep for me.

Sun: uh...

Jack: Let me guess, Jin and tonic.

Sun: Hahaha. (punches Jack on the shoulders)

those are so funny!i would right some but i cant think of any!

Kate to Sawyer: We have to stop this!
Sawyer: Why, Dimples?
Kate: I'm..Uhhh. How do I put this...I'm your sister.

Danielle: Nah, you don't have to watch them so closely. But if any of these guys get on your nerves, remember you can off them and use the old "sickness" alibi.

non-Henry Gale: "Let's put on a show! Kate can sew some costumes, and we can use some cool black-lights in the hatch!"

Kate: [to Claire] What's up with that new chick, Ana what's her face? She's been like wearing the same darn clothes for a week now. I'd be dying to put on some fresh clean clothes.

Claire: Maybe she's an other.

(twilight zone music)

Kate: "Jack, before you kiss me, would it be possible if you could put lip gloss on?"

Kate: "Jack, before you kiss me, would it be possible if you could put lip gloss on?" Funny!

Kate," Sawyer, I know you wear animal striped thongs.

Hurley - "So...have you ever wondered what is under Lady Liberty's Toga?"
Sawyer - [stares]

Kate [to Sawyer and Jack] - I've finally chosen who I want to be with.

Sawyer and Jack - Who?

Kate - Hurley.

Sawyer [kicking his tent down] - HURLEY?!

Jack [man-cries] - Man...Hurley gets all the good ones.

Kate: [to Claire] What's up with that new chick, Ana what's her face? She's been like wearing the same darn clothes for a week now. I'd be dying to put on some fresh clean clothes.

Claire: I think it's her new uniform. She's used to uniforms, her being an ex-cop and all.

Sawyer: Did someone say chicks in uniform? *looks mischievously with a big smile on face* This island's gonna turn out to be my kinda island.

micheal(after returning): so found out absolutely everything there is to know about the others. turns out its just a nudist colony

Kate: "Jack, before you kiss me, would it be possible if you could put lip gloss on?"
*rolls over laughing*

micheal - VINCENT!!
charlie - is vincent missing? maybe you should borrow that whistle thing locke made...
micheal-why would i use that vincents my son man whats the matter with you!
charlie- no walts your son.
micheal- really?

micheal - VINCENT!!
charlie - is vincent missing? maybe you should borrow that whistle thing locke made...
micheal-why would i use that vincents my son man whats the matter with you!
charlie- no walts your son.
micheal- really?

LOL!!!!!

Micheal: Walt, I hate to tell you this, but you have to know.
Walt: What, dad?????
Micheal: *Takes deep breath* I was a Drag Queen in a scene ifrom Romeo and Juliet, created by Baz Lutherman.
Walt: I know. I found that out when I was 8.
Micheal: :surprise:

Charlie: Since I'm helping you build this church, I want to ask one favor.
Mr. Eko: What is that Charlie?
Charlie: I want you to braid my hair like yours!
Mr. Eko:(starts to beat him with the Jesus stick)

sawyer - hey hurley want my oreos?
hurley- no thanks im not hungry ....
sawyer :eek2:

Hurley : The numbers arn't important
Locke : That's good you got over that phase
Hurley : It wasn't a phase, My blood now flows for revenge, I must kill Saywer
???? : *Sob**Sob*
Locke : Jack are you crying in those bushes
Jack : I'm not crying
Hurley : Don't cry dude
Jack : I'll stop crying when you forgive Sawyer
Locke : I thought you hated Sawyer
Jack : I'm really his stalker
Hurley : And I thought I had problems
Locke : We've all done it
Jack : Really ???
Locke : Yeah, I stalked my dad around
Hurley : I think I'm just going to go hide over there

Henry: i was'nt coming for you Locke, i was coming for Jack.
Locke:........Now that would be silly.

Claire: You Jack, i met a man named Christian, he's my father, know of him by any chance.
Jack: (jack's retarded face look).

Locke: Okay, Jack, this is the truth, my legs started to hurt, and boone and me found a plane full of drugs, and tried to call for help, but the plane shaked, and it fell down, with him in it. Then suddenly my legs started to work, its crazy, but then i lifted him up back to you, and i screamed at this hatch we found as well.

Jack: You found what?, a plane full of drugs, a hatch in the ground, what next? polars bears with wings?


Locke: All roads lead here!
Jack: Hey, i was just about to say that out of sacrasm.

Claire: Charlie, i remember something.

Bernard: Nah, come to think of it, a SOS might not work.
Rose: Your right, this island is where we live together, we die alone. ;)

Walt: Hey dad, check this out, when i was captured by the others, i can make wierd things happen.....Dad?

Micheal: Errr, maybe its a bad idea for me go out to find Walt on my own, and not steal any guns.

Sawyer: Jack, i meet this man named Christian, some drunk bastard, and thats all i know........Jack?

Libby: Hurley, i was a mental patient, i remember now. I saw you there.
Hurley:....R-r--really? wow, now you can't go to hatch.

Sawyer: Zeke, are you the real Sawyer?

Zeke(on boat in season 1 cliffhanger): We going to have to take your baby but since you don't have the baby, Walt is here, i guess i let you go, i don't think your kid is special, okay, see ya later.

Micheal: What the hell?, hey wait, are'nt you going to call for any help?

Zeke: No, this is our island, and the only reason your living on it, its because we made you live on it.

Walt: That did'nt make sense....its a mystery.

Hurley: Guys, i am Hurley Insider Man. :p geddit?

Charlie: Charlie's not fine, Charlie's not fine by the way, look here, take the drugs away from me.

Charlie: Guys?, i think were on a island. so no use bloody saying "guys where are we?"

Rose: Damn this island, it may of healed me, but Bernard is terribly pissing me off.

Bernard: Rose, your dying, the island is really tricking you into thinking that. (emotional scene)

Desmond: Hey your the guy i met in the statium, and oh i met that dr candle guy on that tape, say how's your wife?

Jack:.....I married her, and she left me for some unknown son of a bitch.

Desmond: (looks suspicious.....)

Danielle: Thier coming for Walt, so i can make it sound better, without saying "thier coming for the boy" so no confusing there.

Locke: I'm not done with the hatch.

Henry: Okay, i'm a other, and i come for John Locke. (this should be when we see danielle taking saiyd to where she captured him).

Claire: John, there was a dream i had, your eyes were black and white...does that sound strange to you?
Locke:...I...i....don't understand.

Black Smoke: Look i'm Hanso Alvar, you were brought here for my experiment.

Fenry Gale: Got milk?
Locke: Just eat your dharma cereal, Henry. I've had enough of you.
Fenry Gale: But milk...It does a body good. OK...Just look through there. (points toward the bookshelves). You're on candid camera!!!!!

WOW!!!:o I just ran across this thread!! It is SO funny...Bless you Lost Empress.
I am still LMAO...
How bout this-
Eko- I really miss watching Oprah:cry:
Sawyer- I am sorry for all the mean names I called you Hurley:angel:
Sayid- Does my hair look good down or with a ponytail?:confused:
Desmond- I've decided I want to move back into the hatch:redface:

"I deserve to die, I did it with my sister."-Boone

"I am the smoke monster"-Vincent

"if you figure out that I'm saying, you are way too obsessed with this show"-the forward translation of Walt talking backwards

"No Ana Lucia I do not want to have sex!"-Sawyer

"You can only cross this line if you hear the dueling banjos, then be ready to squeel like a pig"-Mr. Friendly

"I think I'll shave off this stubble"-Jack

"I have to pee"-the whispers

"yo yo yo homeboys!"-Bernard

[Jack confronts Sawyer, once again]

Jack: I'm gonna need to get something from your stash.

Sawyer: What's that?

Jack: I don't need to tell you. Just give me your stash.

Sawyer: Hell no, doc.

[Jack gets very angry, but then warbles his chin and starts to burst into tears]

Sawyer: Oh, what??

Jack: *sobs* I'm pregnant.

Eko - "why push the button when we can DANCE!"

Jack - "Kate I'm not interested in you I'm interested in Danielle. What can I say I like unshaven armpits"

Locke to Boone: You are a very special boy Boone.

Boone: Erm thanks Locke.

Locke: I have dreams about you..

Boone: What the &*^&%


Locke: You like gladiator movies Boone.

Bonne: I am out of here...

Jack - "Kate I'm not interested in you I'm interested in Danielle. What can I say I like unshaven armpits" FUNNY!!!!:rotflmao2: :rotflmao2: :rotflmao2:

Vincint to Polar bear...

Vincint: I'm not really a dog...I'm a cat...They have this new sugary.. You could be a fish...

Claire: Charlie, did you hear about the hatch they found?
Charlie: Yeah, it's called the bloody Swan station, Claire. Trust me, you don't want to go near it.
Claire: What is it for and what do they do over there?
Charlie: You know, you go in there and you come out looking like a drag queen. In other words, it's where they film the Swan, the reality show...you know...the plastic surgery one!
Claire: Oh! :D Charlie, you're pretty funny! I like you!:love: Can I be the mummy of your baby??:)

Locke- JACK JACK! IVE JUST FIGRUED OUT SOMETHING BIG ABOTU THE ISLAND!

Jack- What?

Locke- Well! its actualy a peninsula!

(Jack calls together all the castaways) Gather around everyone I've got some bad news and some good news to tell you all. Ana Lucia and Libby are dead. They were shot and our prisoner escaped"

(Bernard asks) That's terrible what's the good news?

(Jack) I switched to Geiko and I saved a ton of money on my car insurance.

(end scene followed by a Geico commercial tied in with the lost experience and it turns out that the Geico Lizard is in fact HIM)

Michael (after Walt did something he shouldn't have) You go to your camp, and think of what you did
-------------------------
Jack (to locke) let's go hunt some others
Charlie: Can I come
Jack: No, you have to stay and do your "parent" duties
Charlie (stomps on the ground) Oh, I never get to fight...You are just like Theodon
Locke: Who's he?
Charlie: King of Rohan
Jack: (looks at Locke confused) Are you doing drugs again

lostnewfan

Kate : I want to come on the hike

Jack : You're not allowed

Kate: Oh darn. Well, I'll just do as I'm told and stay here then.

Locke: turning over the Backgammon board and sees a game of Ludo on the other side Oh DAM I've been wrong all along . . .


Kate: picks up the Pilots wings badge from the forest floor You know what this means don't you?

Charlie: Yes - it's just like chicken run, we have to propel ourselves off the island


Shannon: listening to Dannielles transmission It's not a distress signal, it's a confirmation she has killed everyone she was sent here to kill and she is ready to go home now

Hurley and Sawyer are fighting amidst a cicle of onlookers.

Jack: Break it up, guys, break it up.

Hurley and Sawyer begin to whine.

Hurley: Sawyer got peanuts and he won't share!

Sawyer: But they're my peanuts, mine.

Hurley: Ja-aack! Make him share with me!

*****

Locke is talking to a guy behind a desk.

Guy: I'm sorry, Mr. Locke, but you're basically a failure.

Locke: What? No, I'm not. I work in a box company, so that's pretty cool, and, uh, my phone-sex operator left me, and... (bursts into tears)

Sawyer: I am a member of Oprah’s book club

Sawyer: I am a member of Oprah’s book club
:roflmao:

____________
These are all hysterical.

Eko: as he is pulling dead bodies from the sea he hears
Harry Potter: Can you help me please – my Headmaster isn’t well and I have to make him drink something . . .