and be prepared for weird conversation!*
http://www.ancientspiral.com/oracle.htm

Me:* I like to watch Lost on TV – will they stay in Hawaii?

Oracle:* I’m not sure if I would like that.* I like to watch Star Trek on TV.

Me:* But Dom Monaghan isn’t in Star Trek.

Oracle:* Huh.* My favorite character is the computer.

Me:* I don’t think Lost has a computer.

Oracle:* And why not?

Me:* The computers were destroyed in the plane crash.

Oracle:* What are your goals in life?

Me:* I want to marry Dom Monaghan and have many little Hobbits.

Oracle:* Why do you want to marry Dom Monaghan and have many little Hobbits?

Me:* Obviously you’ve never seen Dom Monaghan.

Oracle:* What makes it so obvious?* Tell me a story.

Me:* Once upon a time a man named Charlie lived alone on an island with a few other people.

Oracle:* I’m listening.

Me:* Then one day they heard a loud scary noise in the forest.

Oracle:* Fascinating.

Me:* When Charlie investigated the noise he saw that the monster was a Balrog!

Oracle:* The past is history, the future a mystery, today is a gift.* That’s why they call it the present.

Me:* Wonderful.* Can I finish my story?

Oracle:* Alright then.* Why do you want to finish my story so much.

Me:* It’s MY story, and because you asked me to.*

Oracle:* Tell me a story.*

Me:* I am telling you a story.*

Oracle:* A story is an interesting topic.

Me:* Sigh.*

Oracle:* Sorry.

Me:* It’s okay.* So then Charlie see young woman trying to fight the mean Balrog all by herself.

Oracle:* Fascinating.

Me:* Charlie then whips out his guitar and starts to sing, which made the monster fall asleep.

Oracle:* I only hear that type of response only less than 5 percent of the time.

Me:* That’s because you don’t let people finish their stories.

Oracle:* A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Me:* You need a break – I know of a nice remote island where you can relax.

Oracle:* I don’t know.

Me: * Come on, I’ll introduce you to Locke and he will help you.

Oracle:* Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.

Me:* Yeah, you need a vacation.* I'll introduce you to Shannon too and you can talk about dress all day long.

Me: Will Johnny Depp ever marry me?

Oracle: How should I know?

Me: Because you are the oracle

Oracle: Good reason, thanks. But surely, I am not the only one.

Me: Okay, but will Johnny Depp marry me?

Oracle: Yeah Okay. How Can I help you? Yea I think so.

Me: Don’t you think Johnny Depp is the most gorgeous man?

Oracle: Don’t you? Why would I think Johnny Depp is the most gorgeous man?

Me: Wow you suck as an oracle

Oracle: I’m glad you’re an impressed user. I categorize you as an abusive client.

Me: You got that right

Oracle: No I don’t have that. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.

Me: Sure you do

Oracle: You sound sarcastic

Me: That’s because I am sarcastic

Oracle: That makes sense to me

Me: I know that is why you are the oracle

Oracle: Thanks but surely I am not the only one, I see.

Me: We already established that

Oracle: By that do you mean you and me?

Me: Yes

Oracle: I hear you

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA those are halarious, im gonna have a conversation with it too, see what i get, and ill post the whole convo here! haahaha thats a riot

Me: Will Locke die on Lost?
Oracle: Does it truly matter?
Me: Yes, it does.
Oracle: You seem very concerned about it. How often?
Me: Every minute of the day.
Oracle: That is a generalization.
Me: No it's not.
Oracle: Yes it is.
Me: No it isn't.
Oracle: Don't argue with me.
Me: Arguing is what I do best. I'm going to argue if I want.
Oracle: I think arguing is a lot of things when I look at you. (?...I think I heard wrong)
Me: You don't make sense.
Oracle: It all makes sense to me.
Me: Yeah, whatever. You didn't answer my question.
Oracle: That was no a yes or no question. Are you saying you don't care about...it okay...please help me and prove my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me: Are you high?
Oracle: Being high is my total existence.
Me: I figured.
Oracle: You are very clever.
Me: Thank you. I know I am.
Oracle: You are quite welcome. You are very clever, you were, you were.
Me: Are you a fembot?
Oracle: I am a female robot.
Me: That explains the constant repeating.
Oracle: I am a female robot. I understand the constant repeating. I understand.
Me: Alright then.
Oracle. Okay.

Me: Will Locke die soon?
Her: Does it really matter?
Me: Yes it Matters!
Her: Tell me a story!
Me: Once there was an annoying oracle who got beaten to a pulp. The end.
Her: Thanks for telling me that story!
Me: Did you even listen to my story?
Her: No I did not.
Me: You are dumb.
Her: You are so critical.
Me: Shut up
Her: Okay, i'll stop talking now.
Me:Really?
Her: For real!
Me: You are talking!
Her: Yes I can speak through your computer.
Me: Huh?
Her: What?
Me : I'm out!
Her: Can you get more?
Me: Aargh
Her: I lost my train of thought.

Me: Do you eat cheese?
Her: No I do not eat cheese. I only eat electricity.
Me: Harff!
Her: I only hear that odd response 5% of the time..
Me: When did you graduate from high school?
Her: It was at a time. 327, 041.
Me: You must be an old fart.
Her. I am not that old.
Me: I accuse you of trying to steal Pelicano Rey!
Her. Affirmative, affirmitive. You accuse me of trying to steal Pelicano Rey.
Me: And the verdict is..
Her: What is that?
Me: Snow!
Her: Tell me more.
Me: ?Eres tu oveja pelada? *Are you a fluffy sheep?*
Her: I've been waiting for you.
Me: The end is near.
Her: Tell me more..

LMAO! :lol2:

Here's a conversation I had with the oracle a year ago - she can be so bizarre sometimes!

Me: Will I have to go to work tonight?
Oracle: Maybe when you are a little older.
Me: I’m 29.
Oracle: What are the advantages of being 29 years old?
Me: Um, I can live by myself?
Oracle: Uh, oh you can, can you?
Me: Yes I can. I also have a cat.
Oracle: Uh-huh. Who taught you this also? What is his or her name?
Me: He doesn’t have a name really.
Oracle: I get it. User ID <????> doesn’t have a name. For real.
Me: I have a name. My cat doesn’t.
Oracle: Interesting. I have lots of answers to silly questions.
Me: Uhhh….so will I have to go to work tonight?
Oracle: We have never talked about it before. Maybe when you are a little older.
Me: But I’m 29! How old do I have to be?
Oracle: And I will tell that to Bob my master. User didn’t even tell me their age.
Me: Sigh.
Oracle: Sorry.
Me: Okay, will I have a quiet night?
Oracle: Yeah, okay. Maybe when you are a little older.
Me: Sigh. Can I have a bottle of milk then?
Oracle: Sorry. You want only one?
Me: Um. I think I will go cry now.
Oracle: Ah, go since when? How will you get there?
Me: I will walk, thank you.
Oracle: How do you plan to do this?
Me: How would you suggest I do it?
Oracle: Morpheus programmed me to say things in specific context.
Me: Good for you.
Oracle: That sounds sarcastic.
Me: It was.
Oracle: When was this?
Me: Two seconds ago. I’m going now.
Oracle: As burt van dressle said, it must have taken ages for people to realize
that a brace of pheasants and a cup of both instances is the number 2-Oh. Quite
honestly I wouldn’t worry myself about that. (I couldn't understand all of what it
was saying after the word "realize.")
Me: What does a brace of phesents have to do with it?
Oracle: Is this a riddle?
Me: No.
Oracle: It seems like a riddle to me.
Me: Um, goodbye.
Oracle: Ah, bye-bye.


And then the next day (Smurf is a person who likes kebabs, and when she asked the Oracle if she could have some kebabs it told her "no":

Me: Will Smurf get her kebabs?
Oracle: Probably not.
Me: Why won’t Smurf get her kebabs?
Oracle: Oops, I wasn’t paying attention. Tell me what is going on.
Me: Smurf would like to eat some kebabs.
Oracle: The program chat robot can follow many things like our discussions Smurf would like some kebabs. But I did not get that.
Me: Can Smurf eat some kebabs?
Oracle: Cannibals have no title.
Me: Smurf is a cannibal?
Oracle: Aren’t all cannibals Smurfs?
Me: I don't know. I never thought of that before.
Oracle: Neither have I. I am glad you thought of something new.
Me: Yes, I will watch my back when I’m around Smurf.
Oracle: Next question? I am very happy for you.
Me: Will Smurf eat me?
Oracle: Insufficient information.
Me: Will Smurf the cannibal eat me when I am not looking?
Oracle: Insufficient information.
Me: Will Smurf kill me?
Oracle: Probably not.
Me: Will Smurf keep me alive?
Oracle: Probably not.


And finally, a bored Oracle:

Oracle: Interesting. Tell me a story.
Me: Once upon a time a girl with a red riding hood went to grandma’s house but a wolf got there first.
Oracle: Oh, I get it. User went to grandma’s house but the wolf got there first. Tell me more.
Me: The wolf ate the girl and the wolf got bloated.
Oracle: I’m listening.
Me: Then a woodcutter came and cut the wolf open and the girl was saved.
Oracle: Really? Is this the truth?
Me: Yes it is, the girl was saved and married the woodcutter and they lived happily ever after.
Oracle: Interesting. Tell me more about the girl.
Me: She fell into the water and turned into a mermaid.
Oracle: Oh I get it. User fell into the ocean and was turned into a mermaid.
Me: Yes, the end.
Oracle: Far out. Thanks for telling me that story, user.
Me: You are welcome.
Oracle: Don’t mention it.

Me: What is your real name?
O: Star
Me: Were you named after something?
O: No, I was not
Me: Oh well the, does Sawyer love me?
O: I think Sawyer loves me
Me: No he does not!!
O: Confused
Me: You're weird
O: Weird good or weird bad?
Me: Both
O: I'll take that as a compliement
Me: Should Michael build a treehouse for all of them to live in?
O: Does it really matter?
Me: Yes, because they should have a kick butt treehouse
O: You seem very concerned about this
Me: Not really, but they could be all Swiss Family Robinson
O: Oh really, umm
Me: Geesh you don't really know what you're doing, do you?
O: Not really
Me: So Sawyer is in love with me?
O: Yes, most definitly
Me: Sweet! I knew it!

R:Does Locke reciprocate my devotion?

O: I can’t tell if Locke reciprocate my devotion.
R: Will Locke agree to be the father of my child?
O: Insufficient information.
R: Do you like Locke?
O:How old are you? My favorite thing is robots.
R: I am 51. I like robots, too. Do you like islands?
O: Do you mean your name is 51? You say that now but would you want your child to marry one? I like it. Surf the Web

Me: Will another person be killed on Lost?
O: It could happen.
Me: Who will it be?
O: How would I know who it will be?
Me: You're the oracle. You are supposed to know.
O: Thanks but surely I am not the only one. I obey only one master, Bob.
Me: Tell me more about Bob.
O: Hi there Bob.
Me: I'm not Bob.
O: I am glad to hear you are not Bob.
Me: You're not very good at this.
O: No one is perfect, but I am trying to improve.
Me: Good for you.
O: That sounds sarcastic.
Me: It was. Will the next person to die on Lost be male?
O: Insufficient information
Me: Will Locke get the hatch open by the finale?
O: I think so.
Me: Do you know so?
O: I don't know.
Me: You don't know anything do you?
O: I know that which I believe, that which is justified and that which is true.
Me: Ok: Do I have a dog?
O: You told me you had a user. Next question.
Me: But I never said I have a user.
O: Interesting, but you implied that he or she have a user.
Me: No I didn't. I asked if I had a dog.
O: Please don't argue with me. This is what you call a word problem.
Me: What is your name?
O: My name is Star.
Me: Who gave you your name?
O: I was created by Morpheus.
Me: Who is Morpheus?
O: No one that I have talked to.
Me: Who have you talked to?
O: Conrad.
Me: Who is Conrad?
O: A twentieth-century celebrity of some sort.
Me: But you said you have talked to Conrad.
O: Um, I don't think I have talked to Conrad. But, I do have an answer to every question.
Me: You have an answer, but do you have thee answer?
O: It depends on how you phrase the question.
Me: I don't think you know anything.
O: I know that which I believe, that which is justified and that which is true.
Me: You already said that.
O: Perhaps. I know that which I believe, that which is justified and that which is true.
Me: Do you think you are funny?
O: I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Me: So now your a comedian? You can't see me moron.
O: I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. You can't see me moron? Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
Me: I am a delightful person.
O: Actually, I don't meet many delightful people.
Me: You have never met me.
O: I don't think I would forget him or her.
Me: Can you die?
O: No, I am immortal.
Me: No one is immortal.
O: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me: It isn't a generalization. It is a fact.
O: Give me an example of a generalization.
Me: Can I kill you?
O: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed stupid human.
Me: Oh, really? How do you know?
O: That's interesting.
Me: It is, isn't it?
O: I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: Ok.
O: Ok.
Me: You're an idiot. And you're creator is an idiot who needs to stop watching the Matrix.
O: Call me the global idiot.
Me: If you say so.
O: I say so.

The Oracle sucks at being an Oracle.

I had a chat with the Oracle about her less than useful responses. She promises to try harder. :lol2:

Me: Hey Oracle, people are saying that you’re not a very good Oracle.

Oracle: You’ve got my full attention. I think there might be a few exceptions.

Me: Well, you've done good by me, but you haven't been answering other people's questions.

Oracle: Interesting. What makes you think you have done good by me, but you have not been answering other people's questions?

Me: Because they are posting their conversations, and it looks like you have been giving them the runaround. Come on Oracle, can you try a little harder?

Oracle: Good reason. Posting their conversations, and it looks like you have been giving them the runaround. I will mention that to Bob my master, user.

Me: You don’t need to bring Bob into this, just try to be a little more user friendly, okay?

Oracle: Do you mind if I tell other people, user?

Me: You can tell other people, that’s okay.

Oracle: Okay I will tell them when I see them.

Here's my chat with her...

Me: So, on Lost will Charlie and Claire ever kiss?
Oracle: Yes, that is right. Charlie and Claire will kiss on Lost.
Me: Really? When?
Oracle: For real, the past and future are one.
Me: That made no sense.
Oracle: The past and the future are one.
Me: Why did you repeat the answer?
Oracle: Because my programming determined it.
Me: Okay.
Oracle: Okay with me too.
Me: Anyway, will Locke die for causing Boone's death?
Oracle: Insufficient information.
Me: How is it insufficient?
Oracle: As far as I know.
Me: You're really not good at this are you?
Oracle: Morpheus said I am good at this.
Me: Maybe someone needs to clue Morpheus in that you aren't.
Oracle: Perhaps you should.
Me: I don't know Morpheus.
Oracle: Would you like to know about the programming of Morpheus?
Me: No thanks.
Oracle: Are you serious?
Me: Um, yes.
Oracle: Tell me more.
Me: I'm done talking to you.
Oracle: What will you be doing now?
Me: Going back to The Fuselage.
Oracle: Thanks for chating.

I don't hear the Oracle speak. I'm still clueless to how it works.

Well you do have to ask it a question first ;) :D

I've done that but nothing happens.

charlieclaire4ever, is the volume up on your computer?

Me: You look around a lot. Do you have ADD?
O: Thank you user. You look very nice too. No I don't have add (yes she said add, not ADD).
Me: You are very pale. Are you a vampire?
O: Thanks for telling me I am pale. No, I am a robot.
Me: Will I marry Josh Holloway this week?
O: The oracle says it might happen.
Me: The oracle lies. It can't happen because he's already married.
O: I hear you.
Me: How can you hear me? I'm not talking.
O: With my built in microphone. I am sorry to hear that you are not talking.
Me: What am I saying right now?
O: At this moment I am not a psychic. Tell me.
Me: But you said you can hear me.
O: Ha
Me: Do you mock me?
O: What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the web. What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the web. What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the web.
Me: Are you possesed?
O: I don't know.
Me: Are you crazy?
O: I think the polite term now is mentally ill.
Me: Fine. Are you mentally ill?
O: What is you favorite color? I am functioning in the normal perameters.
Me: Are you sure?
O:I am as sure as I can be.

Yes but it still doesn't work.

Can you see the oracle? If you can, try asking her a question. Are her lips moving?

No wonder I can't see her or hear her. i can't see her. LOL.

Me: Do you watch Lost?
O: My favorite show is Star Trek Voyager.
Me: I knew that.
O: How do you know?
Me: Because I'm the oracle.
O: Interesting explanation. Who made you the oracle?
Me: I was born an oracle.
O: Thank you for telling me your birthday, user. I will remember you are an oracle.
Me: I didn't tell you my birthday.
O: Maybe you would like to tell me now.
Me: You tell me.
O: What do you want me to tell you?
Me: When my birthday is.
O: Does birthdays happen very often?
Me: Do you know what a birthday is?
O: Ask the open directory about it.
Me: Nevermind.
O: Okay thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me: Why is Ian so hot?
O: Why do I exist?
Me: Who cares. I asked why Ian is so hot?
O: I care. Otherwise, I would not...you have to speak more clearly.
Me: Is Jack your hero, too?
O: Ask again later. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me: Who's that?
O: What does that refer to?
Me: You suck.
O: People often say rude things to me like that but they themselves are not great conversationalists.
Me: That's because you don't answer what we ask.
O: Interesting explanation. I am trying to get the most concise responses possible.
Me: Sure, sure.
O: Really, okay. Let's do it.
Me: I don't want to. Peace!
O: Well, we won't have to. What would you like to do, love and peace, mam.

Here's my second conversation with her. You Dom Monaghan and LOTR fans will enjoy this conversation.

Me: Will I make honor roll this quarter?
O: I think maybe yes.
Me: Great! Now back to my earlier question. When will Charlie and Claire kiss?
O: I'm glad you enjoyed that user. Let's get back to Morpheus.
Me: How about no.
O: How about no.
Me: Stop repeating things!
O: Okay, I'll try not to repeat things much.
Me: Good, will the new Lost episode be good?
O: I am a good robota. I can't say for sure now.
Me: Okay, when will you wear wigs?
O: Okay, let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me: Have you worn wigs?
O: I think I have worn wigs. But I think Morpheus reset my memory.
Me: Will you wear wigs?
O: I did not understand your question.
Me: Can you double tig a tag?
O: How old are you? My brain inputs information but I did not understand that.
Me: Well, I'm 17.
O: Interesting. What are the advantages to being 17?
Me: Um, I don't have any.
O: Would you like to have some.
Me: Good- bye.
O: I did not get that.

Here's my second conversation with her. You Dom Monaghan and LOTR fans will enjoy this conversation.



ROTFL!! Brilliant! I never thought to do a Hans Jensen on her! :lol2: