Aka U.S.S. Interstellar Luff Boat - A CrackCruise In Space

Space: the penultimate frontier. These are the voyages of the U.S.S. Interstellar Luff Boat, the first ever interstellar holiday cruise. The passengers aboard the interstellar Luff Boat are all very lucky - they've each won their place on this historic interstellar cruise by finding a special Golden Ticket inside their interstellar chocolate bars. Now they depart on an interstellar journey into the interstellar unknown, where anything can and will happen. In a very interstellar way. Join us in the year 2342 for a wild interstellar adventure through the interstellar perils of interstellar space. Interstellar.

This interstellar cruise is interstellarly accomodating, with eight interstellar decks to explore: Teh Barracks Deck, Teh Galley, Teh Ballroom, Teh Holodecks, Teh Recreation Deck, Teh Assembly Deck, Teh Brig/Infirmary Deck and Teh Hydroponics/Livestock Deck. All decks will be interstellarly accessible through the use of the interstellar four-dimensional elevators distributed throughout the ship, interstellarly. Except Teh Bridge, which is off-limits to all interstellar passengers.

All interstellar needs will be tended to in the most timely and interstellar fashion by the ship's interstellar butler, Winston Q. P. J. Smokerson.

The Interstellar List of Interstellar Travelers:
Jack "J-Shepz" "DJ Jears" Shephard (the new Jeminem) - dr_jack
Kate Austen (Virgin hobo potato-grower reject from the Iowa Ballet) - JSYGirl
James "Sawyer" Ford (Professor Emeritus in 18th Century Agrarian Politics) - dr_jack
John Locke (Teh Paraplegic HAXZORZ with a vow of silence) - Sawyers Mojito
Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (thinks he is King Arthur) - turnip-head
Charlie Pace (Preacher/Televangelist - catchphrase: "Pokemon is heathen!") - turnip-head
Claire Littleton (Uber-nerdy chicken sexer with braces and glasses) - mnemosyne
Boone Carlyle (French maid) - missfuneralsong
Shannon Rutherford (Avril-style punk-rock skater chick) - JSYGirl
Sayid Jarrah (Hair stylist) - lost for words
Sun-Hwa Kwon (Elepant tamer in the Circus of Korea) - PJ05
Jin-Soo Kwon (Elephant tamer in the Circus of Korea) - hjr
Michael Dawson (Aretha Franklin drag queen who headlines in Las Vegas) - madame_furious
Walt Lloyd (Spoiled brat with a demon parrot named Damian who speaks only to him) - hjr
Ana Lucia Cortez (Bubblegum conglomerate CEO) - Sawyers Mojito
Elizabeth "Libby" ??? (Murder mystery smut writer) - Rosemary Bats
Eko Tunde (incredibly incompetant Luff Boat doctor) - Tom_Zarek
Rose Henderson (Nymphomaniac) - >Quarantine<
Bernard Nadler (Mall Santa Claus) - mnemosyne
Benjamin Linus (Bunny Man) - missfuneralsong
Alex Linus (Hippie/Polar Bear Manicurist) - missfuneralsong
Karl (Ben's pet monkey) - Sawyers Mojito
Danielle Rousseau (Chef of the Interstellar Luff Boat) - Sawyers Mojito
Desmond Hume (Herbal Essences ambassador) - AnOtherGoodGuy
Juliet Burke (Airheaded supermodel) - turnip-head
Richard Alpert (Rodeo clown) - Tom_Zarek
Daniel "D-Day" "Pymp Daddy" Faraday (Pymp Daddy) - dr_jack
Charlotte Staples Lewis (Uptight party planner) - LadybirdKate
Miles Straume (Chinchilla farmer) - >Quarantine<
Frank Lapidus (Shoe salesman) - LadybirdKate
Charles Widmore (Manager of Widmore's Fried Squid)
Penelope Widmore (Flying nanny) - missfuneralsong
Winston Q. P. J. Smokerson (incredibly posh and interstellar butler) - dr_jack

Please note: All characters in this RP are OOC and AU. Go nuts. But there are a few rules...

Interstellar Code of Conduct:
- Do not kill another character without the consent of that player and myself.
- Do not kill your own character without first informing me.
- Do not use explicit language.
- I reserve the right to expell anyone from the RP or deny them entrance if I feel that they are or will be causing a disruption to the game or its players.

Co-founded by: Myself, dr_jack, Sawyers Mojito and Rosemary Bats. And no, before you even ask, we weren't smoking anything.

Wooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooo

This is going to be INSANE

I can't wait for this to start

God Damn dr_Jack! Sawyer is MINE!

Can I play Sayid the Hair stylist, please? :biggrin:

This is going to be cool.

Or totally insane. Probably both, actually.

I'll take virgin-hobo-ballet-reject Kate and avril-lavigne-ish Shannon please!

(Oh, and I keep cracking up at the idea of DAN, DAN of all people, as a pimp. Or Pymp, whatever.)

Can I have Charlotte the party planner please?? :5:

Okay, you've all been added! Except Pucus. Sorry. :(

dr_jack has first post! GO GO GO! WOO!

|| LET THE CRACK BEGIN!! ||

WQPJS

Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson swirled around the Recreation Deck, arranging things in their proper places. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson had no hands, but this was the least of Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson's problems. In fact, Winston Q.P.J.. Smokerson looked down on the petty beings who relied on their limbs. Winston Q.P.J Smokerson's body build was slim, sleek, and stealthy. Not to mention smokey. That was Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson's favorite part.

Of course, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson could never outwardly state Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson's distaste at limbed creatures. Not with Captain Vincent driving the ship, on which Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson was currently attending to. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson zoomed about, arranging the chairs. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson glanced at the clock. It was almost time.

Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson performed one last tour of his beloved ship, before arriving down at the receiving gate. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson. That was Winston Q.P. J. Smokerson's name. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson loved it. And everyone else would come to love it too.

Poised and ready, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson waited for his guests.

Ana-Lucia Cortez; CEO of Pluto Chew Bubble Gum Inc.

Ana trudged up the ramp with her many, many, suitcases in tow. She had her PDA phone pinned between her ear and her shoulder. Hair up in it's usual, tight, flawless bun, perched atop her head. Her grey skirted business suit went well with the $200 leather heels.

"Look I don't care If I am going into space! I expect all the shipments to be made ON TIME!" she yelled into the phone, before hanging up and looking at it, thick rimmed plastic glases sat on the tip of her nose as she looked down, marking her calendar.

She reached the top of the deck and was inside the luxurious ship. She set her rolling bags down, and scanned the entrance. She saw a cloud of black smoke sitting there, and she smiled.

"I am supposed to give this to you?" she said walking towards the smoke, holding out her golden ticket. "And will there be someone coming to help me get my bags to my quarters?" she asked, slipping her Phone/PDA, her most prized possession, into her purse.

Doctor Eko Tunde, incompetent Luff Boat Doctor

The doctor ran around his surgical room as he ate his cheeseburger. Most of the chili sauce fell on the unsterilized equipment. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," he said aloud as a piece of special sauce drenched tomato fell on a bloody scalpel.

He was trying to tidy it up. For some reason he felt that he may be needed too often for his taste on this voyage. "That's alright," he looked at the blood that had been squirted on the wall from the previous patient. "No one will notice, if they get this far it's probably too late anyways."

Eko laughed to himself. There was a knock on the door of the lobby, which lead to the surgical bay and he went to answer it. As soon as he opened it a service bot brought in two large crates, too big for any human.

The mechanical voice of the bot rang out, "Here are the band-aids you ordered sir. The other two point five tons will be delivered shortly."

"Thanks," he said. The bot left quickly, after setting down the crates in the lobby. Eko sat down at the desk next to the crates and put his feet on his desk. He let out a long sigh as he looked out the viewport and folded his hands behind his head. "We're open for business."

John "xblade42" Locke - Paraplegic H4X0RZ.

John pushed his wheel chair up the ramp, his laptop in his lap. He had modified it so that there was a read out screen on both sides, so he could type to people. He didn't talk. He wouldn't, typing was so much more efficient.

He got to the top, and looked back at the men who helped carry up his one bag of tech gear. He glared at them, hands flying to his keyboard, and typing to them.

"Wut do u think u r doing!!! :mad:" he typed the glare smile, when the men saw it, they looked from one another, back to Locke.

"Be careful w/that, 5700p1d j3rk5!!" Locke exhaled, and wheeled back into the deck, sitting arms crossed and a scowl on his face, waiting to be shown to his room.

[ooc: okay... punk-rock Shannon....]

Shannon

Shannon was in the restrooms of the departure point for the interstellar cruise ship, trying to get her makeup just right. She had already applied her eyeliner, like, five times, but she couldn't get it quite right and kept taking it off again. The problem was that she'd run out of makeup-removal wipes. The result was that she now had big smeary dark patches under her eyes. She sighed and applied the eyeliner for the sixth time, and decided that it would have to do. Maybe one of the other passenger would have some wipes she could use.

She checked her hair... she was naturally blonde, but had dyed it jet-black, with a few strands of electric-blue. It drove her father crazy, but she didn't care. She also checked the rest of her appearance - electric-blue vest top, with a very-nearly-see-through shirt over it, and an old army-surplus jacket decorated with badges and a selection of patches, with ripped black jeans and heavy black boots. Her spare clothes and stuff were in a rucksack - also army-surplus, also heavily decorated.

Satisfied with how she looked, she slung her bag over one shoulder and slouched out of the restroom. She slouched everywhere, regardless of who was around or where she was going.

Once outside the restroom, she took out her golden ticket, and saw the big... cloud of black smoke that was apparently in charge. As she went through towards the departure area, she murmured to herself. "Black smoke in charge. Huh. Cool."

Juliet and Charlie

Juliet Burke could not BE more excited about this interstellar cruise she was about to go on. From the minute she had first heard the word "interstellar" she had totally, like, had to check it out, so she had told her people, who had talked to someone else's people, who had promptly gotten her booked onto the earliest one possible. Of course, she had had to like, cancel a few photo shoots in order to squeeze it in, but really, that didn't matter. Like, duh.

Juliet turned around to see a man standing behind her as she waited on the ramp to board. He looked like some kind of priest, or minister, or something.

"I'm Juliet Burke," she introduced herself, "You've probably heard of me?"

"Charlie Pace," The man replied, "And why would I have heard of you?"

"I'm, like, a supermodel!" Juliet replied happily. She loved meeting fans, even if this didn't appear to be one.

"The bible says that profiting off of appearances is HEATHEN." Charlie replied.

Richard Alpert, Rodeo Clown

He had just completed the Jupiter Invitational Interstellar Rodeo Open of Grand Champions, the most high falootin roody tootin' rodeo in the whole interstellar expanse that was this galaxy.

As always Richard Alpert, expert Rodeo Clown, or as he was known in his rodeo circles "Rodeo Richie" was dressed in full rodeo make-up. His clown painted face and bright yellow cap complimented his bright red wig. The extra short green tie went well with his white dress shirt and blue suspenders. Of course the suspenders weren't holding up pants but a barrel.

Richard liked the airflow the barrel provided for him.

The barrel clad Richard ran around, barely able to see over the top of his barrel. He had unfortunately ordered one that was two sizes too large. He ran up the ramp to the interstellar space ship that was going to take him on his vacation from his rodeo lifestyle.

He ran up, bumped into a bunch of suitcases and fell over. The barrel rolled and picked up speed as he rammed into an angry looking business woman. "'Scuse me ma'am," Rodeo Richie said as he tried to get himself back up onto his feet.

Danielle Rousseau not so master Chef of the Interstellar Luff Boat.

Danielle rummaged in her kitchen, her big floppy white hat sat off to one side her wild untamed curly hair sticking out from under it. She held a huge bowl to her chest, arm stretching all the way around it, and stirring like a maniac.

She set it on the counter, sticking her pinky in the mixture and smiled.

"Parfait!"

She had it just right, grabbing a bunch of chicken she threw it in the marinade of Mayonnaise, Honey, Vinegar, Worcestershire Sauce, Tobasco sauce, and Seaweed Paste. (:sick:). Once it was covered, she set it aside to cook the guests for dinner, and began peeling potatoes for her potato, anchovie and kidney bean mash.

She for one, couldn't wait to eat.

Kate the virgin-hobo-potato-growing reject from the Iowa Ballet

Kate Austen set down her bag - a really big old hockey bag, scuffed and repaired many times over, which held all the possessions she had in the world - on the floor inside the Cruise terminal. It was huge... everything was so clean, and neat, and so rich-looking. She'd been very lucky to get a golden ticket at all. Selling her potatoes didn't make much money, and she could only afford to buy herself one chocolate bar a year. It was pure chance that she'd picked up the bar that she did.

Of course, she'd had to beg for change to call the interstellar cruise people to tell them she had a ticket, because she didn't have a phone. And they'd been a bit funny when she said she lived in a trailer situated between a farm and a swamp. But eventually they'd worked something out. They even sent a limo to her trailer to bring her to the terminal.

Inside, there were various people wandering around. All of them looked like they at least had jobs, and houses to live in, and running water. There was a cloud of black smoke there too - it looked like it was in charge, it was taking tickets and putting people's bags to one side ready to be loaded onto the ship.

She picked up her bag, and warily approached the smoke, holding out her ticket. When it tried to get her bag, she stepped back, clutching the hockey bag closer to her.
"No." She told it. "Mine." And she hurried past it, before it tried to get her things. She then found a place to sit down, where she tucked her bag under her seat and pulled her knees up to her chest. She sat watching the other passengers warily, not trusting any of them.

Libby, smutty mystery novelist

Libby rushed up the ramp, dragging her rolling suitcase behind her. In her other hand was a small tape recorder, used to record the sudden ideas she tended to get for her stories. She studied people to inspire her characters, and who knew where she would find someone interesting?

She hastily handed off her suitcase to the porter, excitement bubbling up. She pulled out the Golden Ticket in her jeans pocket and clutched it as she turned the tape recorder on.

"A paraplegic, looking for love online," she muttered, looking at Locke out of the corner of her eye. "He's so afraid of rejection because of his condition that he only speaks through the computer. But what his prospective dates don't know is that he murders all the women he meets in the chatrooms and uses them as organic batteries to power his horde of monitors!"

Boone Carlyle, American French Maid

Boone was still in his cabin, getting changed hurriedly into his frilly maid outfit, cursing himself for being late and hoping that he didn't get fired...out of one of the Luff Boat's interstellar cannons. It was very difficult to get rid of unwanted employees in outer space, and the Luff Boat's captain was a very...temperamental person. Dog. Whatever. He'd made it clear to his underlings the previous day what would become of them if they even looked at him the wrong way.

He pulled on his long white nylons, snatched up his black feather duster and raced out the door, down the hall and into one of the elevators, jabbing the button for the deck he needed and leaning against the cold wall, sighing. It was going to be a long cruise.

Boone only hoped that there were no rich, elderly hotel tycoons who liked to get drunk, like there had been when he worked on ocean liners. He'd been pinched so many times...

WQPJS

Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson nodded as the guests approached. Ah yes, here was Ana-Lucia Cortez, the famed CEO of a large bubblegum conglomerate. And Richard Alpert, the best interstellar Rodeo Clown there ever was. Personally, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson thought that the rodeo was a truly dreadful and humiliating activity, but Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson would not go so far as to offend one of Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson's honored guests.

"Let Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson take your bags," he cranked in a distinctly pompous British accent. With a woosh, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson had grabbed all Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson's guests bags. This was nothing. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson could take at least 42 more bags. This was why, after all, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson was the best interstellar butler anyone could hope for.

"This way, please, honored guests," Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson cooed, gesturing towards the inside of the ship. "Make yourselves at home."
100%
Daniel "D-Day" "Pymp Daddy" Faraday, Pymp Extraordinaire

Allllllllllright.

D-Day adjusted his purple fedora as he flipped down the mirror of his PympMobyle. He liked it slightly angled, just so it showed off his hair underneath. He had decided to go with the "clueless physicist" look for today, and he was going to make sure that everyone saw it. It was tousled to just the right extent. He didn't bother with the gel this morning. His hair was usually roughly destroyed by the hands of one of his trollops by the evening anyway.

D-Day cracked a small smile at the thought. Allllllllllright.

His PympMobyle rolled to a screeching stop outside the departure gate. Expertly, D-Day procured his golden ticket, holding it expertly between his forefinger and middle finger. "Drive on, hombre," he called casually to his chauffeur. He turned, making his way up the ramp as he heard the bumpin' beats of his PympMobyle drive away. Too bad it wasn't nighttime, or else he would have had the strobelights going as well.

"Ticket, bags," he said casually to the smoke monster that seemed to be greeting them. He flicked the ticket from the interior of his hand to the back, giving it to the the smoke monster before sauntering inside. He paused looking around. He had worn his purple suit today, and he intended to show it off.

"Ladies," he greeted.

Allllllllllllright.

Penny Widmore, Flying Nanny

Being fairly new to the flying nanny business, Penny was still rather uncomfortable with the "flying" part, and so she clutched at her black umbrella's handle for dear life as the wind carried it toward the cruise ship. She had several twigs stuck in her now-messy hair, as she had become lodged in a tree for some time on the journey here.

She landed on the ground with a soft tap and flitted inside the Luff Boat, tucking her umbrella safely into her bottomless tartan handbag and rummaging around in it for her ticket as she approached the smokey butler.

"Just a second," she told him frantically, as all manner of things - a toothbrush, a pedestal fan, even what appeared to be a human skull - tumbled from her bag. Finally Penny found the golden ticket and flashed it, scooping up her other possessions.

"I'll keep my bag with me, if that's all right," she said, scurrying past to join the other passengers.

Ana-Lucia

She waited for her bags to be taken when a ridiculous looking, barrel clad clown crashed into her and stood up.

Richard Alpert, Rodeo Clown

"'Scuse me ma'am," Rodeo Richie said as he tried to get himself back up onto his feet.

She glared at him, about to lose it when her phone chirped and she grabbed it, stepping around him and checking the e-mail.

WQPJS

"Let Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson take your bags," he cranked

"This way, please, honored guests," Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson cooed, gesturing towards the inside of the ship. "Make yourselves at home."

Ana hung back blazing out a reply to the E-mail ranting about some client that had decided to leave them and ordered her associates to fix it. She put the PDA/Phone back in her purse, and followed the crowd and WQPJS.

She heard a comotion behind her, turning to look at some cliche Pimp type come in, she began to roll her eyes but stopped. Wow ...


Daniel "D-Day" "Pymp Daddy" Faraday, Pymp Extraordinaire

"Ladies," he greeted.

Allllllllllllright.

She stared at him a moment, deciding he was just a pimp, and not worth the fascination, besides all these other women here were a lot prettier and attainable than her. She turned and followed the smoke,

"Excuse me but could you show me to my Quarters? I'd like to freshen up before mingling." she said, pulling her glasses off and closing them in her hand.

Hobo Kate meets Punk-Rock Shannon

Shannon slouched through to the departure area. Her bag had been deposited with the black smoke, so she just had her mp3 player, and a paperback book that she'd stuffed in her pocket.

She wandered around the seating area for a bit, listening to her favourite punk-rock group on her music player. She got bored of that, and went to sit down. The closest person to her was a girl who looked a bit older than her, with straggly brown hair. The other girl was wearing an old, well-worn men's jacket that was a few sizes too big for her. Otherwise all Shannon could see was the old combat trousers and trainers she was wearing. The girl had a big hockey bag pushed under her chair. She took her headphones out, and spoke to the girl.

"Hey. What's your name?"
The other girl flinched away from her.
"Kate. What'd'ya want?"
"I just wanted to say hi. You're on the cruise too, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well we're gonna be sharing a cruise ship for the next few weeks, I just wanted to introduce myself."
"Oh. 'Kay."
"I'm Shannon."
"Nice t'meet ya, Shannon."
"You too. So... what do you do?"
"Survive." She shrugged. "Don't have a job. Got a bit'o'land though, grow 'taters on it, sell them. Keep goin'. You?"
"I live with my dad and my stepmother. I'm at college, it's summer vacation now."
"Nice."
"I'm gonna get a drink, okay? Maybe I'll come back and see you later."
"'Kay."

Shannon got up, smiling at the other girl, and went to the drinks machine.

Benjamin Linus, Bunny Man

Wandering on deck with a bunny cage under one arm and his suitcase rattling along on wheels behind him, Ben turned to his monkey, Karl.

"Now Karl, you know what to do," he told the creature, a warning note in his voice. "Behave."

He showed his ticket to Winston Q. P. J. Smokerson and let go of his suitcase without a word, wandering over to where several of his fellow passengers were milling about. "Hello," he said politely. "My name is Ben. This is Karl" - he nodded to his monkey - "who has some bad habits, so you might want to occasionally stand clear of him. I've been trying to fix his behavioural problems with electroshock therapy, but it doesn't appear to be working."

He sighed and sat down on a nearby chair, taking his white rabbit TomTom out of its cage and petting it gently.

Walt Lloyd (Spoiled brat with a demon parrot named Damian who speaks only to him)

Walt arrived at the interstellar cruise ship in his chauffeur-driven limousine. He got out, and instructed the butler to bring Walt's plethora of bags to the entity that greeted him as Walt displayed the ticket.

WQPJS
"Let Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson take your bags,"


Walt, having chosen to have his hair styled as dreadlocks, stepped on board, decked out in expensive child-size versions of designer clothes. Today he preferred a pirate motif, with long dark blue shorts, a black shirt, four gold chains around his neck, and $500 athletic shoes.

"There'd better be some fun stuff to do on this ship!"

Damian

On Walt's shoulder was his parrot Damian. Damian was an evil and jealous creature, and insisted on being the alpha animal wherever he went. Damian spoke only to Walt.

"Master, there's a chimp and bunny over there. How dare they sully us with their presence!"

Damian flew off Walt's shoulder, and dive bombed Tom Tom, broke off suddenly, and flew a circle around Karl. Squawking a loud warning, Damian settled back on Walt's shoulder.

Walt

"Hey mister, you better keep your animals away from my parrot."

For Walt, that could be considered an apology.

Ben

He glared at the noisy bird as it returned to its master, clutching TomTom to his chest protectively. Ben hissed a quick "Behave!" to Karl before eyeing Walt with every sign of great dislike.

"Perhaps you should keep your parrot away from my animals?" he snapped irritably. When it came to his charges, he was very protective. Then Ben gave the boy what he called the Look; it was part appraisal, but mostly suspicion. He gave this look to any young man he encountered who was near his daughter's age.

"And stay away from Alex," he added, in an unnecessarily cold voice. "She's my daughter. Stay away from her."

Alex Linus, Hippie Polar Bear Manicurist

While her father was off boarding the Luff Boat, Alex had been in the bathroom at the departure lounge, doing a last-second braid-check. She'd seen a woman in there before whom she vaguely recognised as being a singer, but Alex was much more interested in music by Mama Cass and Jefferson Airplane. She didn't care much for modern stuff.

Her hair was thick and curly and liked to escape the two braids she always forced it into, but it seemed all right for now, so she retied her purple headband, picked up her rucksack and walked out, swiftly boarding the cruise ship so as not to get left behind.

It had come as rather a pleasant surprise when both Alex and her father had won Golden Tickets. She showed hers quickly to the butler now, depositing her rucksack on the polished floor before him and rushing past. She said "Hi dad" to her father, who appeared to be giving the Look to a young boy, and addressed the crowd in general.

"Hi guys, my name's Alexandra Linus, I'm a manicurist who caters specifically to polar bears, and you can call me Alex. Or whatever else you like, on account of free will and all." She gave a hearty laugh. "Anyway, we'll be on this interstellar voyage together for a while, so we might as well be friends, right?"

Karl -Mischievous Monkey

Benjamin Linus, Bunny Man

"Now Karl, you know what to do," he told the creature, a warning note in his voice. "Behave."

Karl sat upon his master's shoulder, staring wide wide wonder filled eyes at all the people. He conveniently ignored Ben's warning, as he scratched under his arm and picked off some sort of bug sticking it in his mouth, chewing and watching people.

Karl sat atop Ben's shoulder for awhile, looking for a suitable target, then he saw it, a boy with what looked like worms on his head and a bright colorful thing on his shoulder.

Walt Lloyd (Spoiled brat with a demon parrot named Damian who speaks only to him)

"Hey mister, you better keep your animals away from my parrot."

For Walt, that could be considered an apology.

Karl harrumphed, completely insulted. He was no animal, he was a trained primate companion! How dare the worm headed child?

Ben

"Perhaps you should keep your parrot away from my animals?"

"And stay away from Alex," he added, in an unnecessarily cold voice. "She's my daughter. Stay away from her."

Karl glared at the parrot as it attacked him and TomTom then returned to its perch. Discreatly reached back to his tail, and made himself a bit of ammo.... then he hurled it at the worm headed boy and the colorful bird.

"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeek!!" he cried as he threw it, cackling in his monkey way as it flew towards them.

Boone

Completely out of breath, his frilly, dainty maid hat very much askew, Boone rushed out of the elevator and quickly darted over to Winston Q. P. J. Smokerson, patting down his hair and glancing around.

"What did I miss?" he asked, noticing with dread that there were already several guests present - one of which appeared to be covered in some kind of faeces - and frowning slightly. "Um, okay, guys," he called to the guests, "if you could sort of not mention my lateness to anyone, that'd be a real life-saver. And I mean a literal life-saver. Thanks!"

He paused, then realised that there probably should have been more to that statement. "Oh, I'm Boone Carlyle, by the way. I'll be your...uh...maid. Hi."

Whoa. Craziness. Can I join as Sun?

Discussing my absence with the creator, May need someone to GM me, but I will PM you if I do.

Sure, PJ - although I may have to close this RP for a month now that Moji's verdict is in.

Really, there is no need to close a thread because someone can't post in it for a while.

If you don't want to or can't continue with this RPG - or any other, for that matter - then just leave it be.

((OOC: Hi, sorry it took so long for me to post this here but I would like to join as Michael, if/when the game starts up again. Looks awesome so far. :cool:))

((OOC: Hi, sorry it took so long for me to post this here but I would like to join as Michael, if/when the game starts up again. Looks awesome so far. :cool:))

((MSN me next time you're on. I can give you information about this game's current status. Do so ASAP please.))

|| Dear everyone,
Crack has resumed! All you luverly people in the cast (I updated the castlist by the way), go to it! xD||

Walt

Walt didn't like the look of the guy with the monkey and rabbit, and the feeling was apparently mutual.

Ben
"Perhaps you should keep your parrot away from my animals?"
"And stay away from Alex," he added, in an unnecessarily cold voice. "She's my daughter. Stay away from her."


"You're not the boss of me."

Walt turned to face Alex.

Alex
"Hi guys, my name's Alexandra Linus, I'm a manicurist who caters specifically to polar bears, and you can call me Alex. Or whatever else you like, on account of free will and all." She gave a hearty laugh. "Anyway, we'll be on this interstellar voyage together for a while, so we might as well be friends, right?"


She's pretty, but she might be too old for me.

Walt was distracted by Alex and smiled at her, when suddenly something disgusting smacked him square on the chest.

Karl
"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeek!!"


"EEEWWWW!!"

The monkey dung splattered all over Walt's shirt. It reeked so bad and was so nauseating he had to remove it immediately, being careful not to get any of the dung on his face. Damian flew away, waiting for a chance to ask Walt what to do. Holding the shirt at arm's length, Walt meant to pull another one out of one his bags, but they had already been sent to his room. He wasn't sure what to do, when luckily a servant showed up.

Boone
"Oh, I'm Boone Carlyle, by the way. I'll be your...uh...maid. Hi."


"Hi Boone. Dispose of this, will ya?"

He thrust the soiled shirt at Boone, and then felt that all kinds of people were staring at him.

"What are y'all looking at!?"

Walt considered more retaliation, but realized he was in a bad position.

"And someone show me to my room."

He glared at Ben as if to imply this wasn't over.

Shannon

She got a Coke from the vending machine, and as she was drinking it she saw this guy with a monkey and a rabbit in a cage talking to a bratty-looking kid with a parrot on his shoulder. Then she saw the man wearing the barrel walk by.

Heh. This cruise is gonna be more like a circus at this rate.

Then the boy's parrot shrieked at the monkey, and the monkey responded by throwing poop all over the boy. Ewwww The boy had taken his shirt off, and she watched in amusement as he looked around for someone to dispose of the shirt for him.

Why don't you just dump it in a bin, you stupid brat?

But he eventually found someone.... a young man (who was dressed as a French maid, she noticed as she stifled laughter). When the young man turned to take the shirt from the boy, she saw his face, and gaped at him.

"Oh my god.... Boone?" The man-dressed-as-a-french-maid was her stepmother's son Boone. "What are you doing here?"

Boone

"Oh my god.... Boone? What are you doing here?"

Just about to grudgingly take the filthy piece of clothing from the boy, Boone turned toward the sound of that voice, and his stomach lurched as he saw his step-sister, punk-rock superstar Shannon, standing there and staring at him. His face went red.

"Oh, hi, Shan," he said, trying to appear as casual as one dressed as a French maid possibly can. "I'm just...y'know...working. I didn't know you'd be on this cruise."

Not wanting to go anywhere near the soiled shirt now that Shannon - whom he'd long had a crush on - was here, Boone gave the young boy a solemn look. "Okay, kid, I'm sorry. That's not really my job. You'll have to take it up with the laundry deck."

Does this ship even have a laundry deck? he asked himself, and shook his head slightly, deciding not to worry himself about it.

missfuneralsong wrote:
Boone

"Oh, hi, Shan," he said, trying to appear as casual as one dressed as a French maid possibly can. "I'm just...y'know...working. I didn't know you'd be on this cruise."

Shannon

"I know Sabrina said you were working on a cruise ship... I didn't think it was this one. And I'm sure she would have mentioned the... um, uniform. Does she even know what you're really doing for a living?" A thought occurred to her. "Hey... maybe I could write a new song about this. I wouldn't use your name, of course... but something about lying to your parents and getting caught... yeah..."

WQPJS

Boone

"What did I miss?" Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson turned, peeved by the sound of Madame Boone's voice. "Only the guests, you androgynous clod!" Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson scolded angrily. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson took a couple more bags. "Tend to the guests!" Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson instructed Boone. Boone was already in the process of attempting to making friends, and so Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson whisked the bags away, up to their compartments. "If you would please follow Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson," he addressed Ana-Lucia, in response to her question. As Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson proceeded into the Boat, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson noticed that there were already feces that were being thrown around. Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson stopped, angrily.

"WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON SHALL NOT TOLERATE THE FLINGING OF FECES!" Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson bellowed. Petty limbed beings! "IF WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON SEES ANOTHER INSTANCE OF THE FLINGING OF FECES YOU SHALL ALL RUE THE DAY YOU CROSSED WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON!" With that, Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson whisked angrily off to the compartments.

D-Day

Luckily for D-Day, there seemed to be a lot of attractive women on this ride. D-Day cracked a charming smile. Well, they didn't call it a Luff Boat for nothing.

A rather stuffy CEO type gave him an angry look. This only made D-Day happier. Ooh. He rather did like a challenge.

But, he would start off easy first. He made his way over to an attractive blond. "Hey babe," he greeted, tipping his Fedora. "Nice day for a... ride, wouldn't you say?"

Professor James S. Ford, Professor Emeritus in 18th Century Agrarian Politics in Bolivia, Cambridge University

Dr. James S. Ford arrived at the dock. Stepping out of the cab, he adjusted his $5000 Tweed suit. Dr. Ford always wore Tweed, as he believed all respected members of academia should.

He arrived at the door. There didn't seem to be anyone to take his bags. Dr. Ford was slightly annoyed by this, but he understood. It was better to appease the proletarians. He was here to enjoy himself, and he would not want to deal with an uprising, as history had shown over and over again was what happened when the proletariats got angry.

"Good afternoon," he greeted a couple of the passengers as he stepped through. There was a pretty girl next to him, wearing a frilly dress, with a black feather duster. "Excuse me, miss," he called. "Do you by chance know where I may put my bags?"

Bernard Nadler (Mall Santa Claus)

Bernard arrived at the cruise ship dressed in typical Santa fashion with the red fat suit, white trim, black boots, red cap, a wide black belt and a white beard. He handed his golden ticket to Smokerson, and Bernard's bags were taken away to his room. Except for the large white sack he carried with him -- a sack that contained gifts for good girls and boys, and some grown-ups who acted like children.

There was quite a collection of passengers already there. A high-powered businesswoman, a man in a wheelchair, a woman who looked like a punk rocker talking with -- a male French maid? A clown in a barrel, a farmgirl, another woman with a tape recorder, a man in an outrageous purple suit. a Mary Poppins impersonator, a professor, and a more distinguished looking gentleman with a monkey and rabbit.

But Santa was mainly for children, and Bernard did see two.

A brunette teenage girl adorned with a purple headband, braids, and a general hippie appreance, had a pleasant expression. On the other hand, a younger black boy, wearing only gold chains above the waist and expensive looking sneakers, was holding a foul-smelling shirt and had a nasty expression on his face. A parrot was flying around the latter.

I think I can pick who is on the "good list" and the "naughty list".

"Ho ho ho, are there any good girls and boys here today? Santa has a present for you."

(OOC: LOL!! omg Bernard Is great <3)

Ana-Lucia

WQPJS

"If you would please follow Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson,"

Ana sighed in relief and Followed him, only to have him stop once more, as a foul oder filled the cabin.

"WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON SHALL NOT TOLERATE THE FLINGING OF FECES!" Winston Q.P.J. Smokerson bellowed. Petty limbed beings! "IF WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON SEES ANOTHER INSTANCE OF THE FLINGING OF FECES YOU SHALL ALL RUE THE DAY YOU CROSSED WINSTON Q.P.J. SMOKERSON!" Ana gulped, unsure as to whether or not to follow the angry cloud, but went ahead and edged her way along. Arriving at the barracks, she looked at all the doors.

"Which ones mine?" she asked, hearing her Phone chirp and snatching it out.

"Hello?"

......

"WHAT!?"

.......

"I DON'T CARE IF THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND WANTS OUR GUM! WE AREN'T GOING PUBLIC IN THE UK UNTIL SEPTEMBER 22!!"

She hung up, and exhaled, fist clenching around her glasses. She needed to cool down, and the hallway was not the place to do it.


========================================

Karl - Mischievous Monkey

When the Smoke thing Yelled at him, he hopped off of Ben and onto Alex's shoulder, grabbing fistfuls of hair and burring his face in her curls, trying to hide from the scary voice and the worm headed child.

He whimpered as he his, but looked up haring another passenger arrive. It was a man tis time, and his clothes looked so fancy. Karl's lip quivered, he wanted to fling Poo at the man, but feared the smoke might yell again.

She he just stayed there, on Alex's shoulder, clinging too her. He loved her, she was a lot nicer, and nicer smelling than the man who trained him.

His eyes wandered watching everyone, hoping someone might have a snack for him soon.


.....

Boone

He was about to respond to Shannon again when he was addressed by some pompous-looking guy dressed in tweed.

"Excuse me, miss," he called. "Do you by chance know where I may put my bags?"

Boone glared at the man furiously. Why did this always happen? Every cruise! Every single cruise, there was someone who thought he was actually a woman!

"I'm not a 'miss'," he snapped. "And since the butler's already left, I can think of only one place where you may put your bags. Up your--"

He stopped with an angry sigh. Remember the cannons, Boone, remember the cannons... "Certainly, sir, I'll take those for you," he said, trying to twist his face into a friendly smile. And failing. He grabbed the man's luggage and strode after Smokerson, grumbling to himself.

Alex

Turning away from the assembled people, trying to stifle her laughter at what Karl had done to the little boy, Alex heard a cry of:

"Ho ho ho, are there any good girls and boys here today? Santa has a present for you."

Her face lit up and, as Karl leapt onto her shoulder and grabbed at her hair, she walked over to the apparent Santa Claus, linking her fingers behind her back and giving him a wide smile. Alex, of course, didn't believe in Santa. But she did believe in free gifts.

"I'm a good girl, Santa," she told him sweetly.

Juliet (air-headed Supermodel)

Juliet had just observed some sort of argument between a really old seeming smart-looking guy and the French maid, who looked oddly masculine.

"Um, hey," she went up to the old guy, who had just handed his bags to the maid. "Do you like, know, where like, we're supposed to be going?" She tossed her hair as she spoke. She found that this tactic made men more likely to respond to her questions.


Hurley (thinks he's King Arthur)

Hurley had been afraid he was going to miss his interstellar cruise, due to his trusty steed needing to be reshod. Now that he had arrived, he dragged his trusty steed up the entry ramp up to where he had assumed he would be triumphantly greeted. He found the entry-way disturbingly empty, however, except for a few lowly subjects here and there.

What should he do about this perplexing situation. he wondered? First, he should complete some sort of trial, to convince the people to follow him out of the chaos that had clearly erupted.

"Excuse me, my good woman," he addressed a blond woman who appeared to be talking into a small black device, making a small bow, and leading his Trusty Steed behind him. "Could you perchance aide me in my quest to rid this ship of darkness and chaos? I intend to begin a tradition of some sort of...round object for which my followers can sit around, to plan their noble quest of discovering the holy grail. First, however, I must find a sword to pull from a stone."

He paused, hoping the woman would prove a loyal follower. "Dost thou know-eth where I mightst find one?"

Libby

Hurley
"Excuse me, my good woman," he addressed a blond woman who appeared to be talking into a small black device, making a small bow, and leading his Trusty Steed behind him. "Could you perchance aide me in my quest to rid this ship of darkness and chaos? I intend to begin a tradition of some sort of...round object for which my followers can sit around, to plan their noble quest of discovering the holy grail. First, however, I must find a sword to pull from a stone."

He paused, hoping the woman would prove a loyal follower. "Dost thou know-eth where I mightst find one?"

Libby stared at him for a good long while, a 'WTF' expression on her face. Finally, she resumed talking into the tape recorder, maintaining eye contact with him and speaking loudly enough for him to hear.

"A very large guy with somewhat feminine hair. Acts like he just jumped out of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I'm frankly surprised he isn't banging coconuts together. Anyway, I'm not sure how this one would kill his lovers. He said something about a sword in a stone. Keep it in mind, use it as a metaphor."

Clicking off her recorder, she smiled up at him as if that had never happened. "No, haven't seen any swords around here. Sorry."

"Can I ask you a question? Good," she said, without even bothering to wait for his reply. "If you were to hypothetically kill someone, how would you go about it? Hypothetically, of course."

Hurley (thinks he's King Arthur) and Charlie


"If you were to hypothetically kill someone, how would you go about it? Hypothetically, of course."


"Why, my lady," Hurley replied with shock, alarmed that such a fair maiden had asked such a dark question. "I would never kill anyone, unless they were trying to kill me or one of my loyal subjects?" Hurley paused, considering the question carefully. "Or unless they were a witch. Witches should-eth be burned at the stake, lest they be allowed to cast their evil magicks."

"Witches SHOULD be burned at the stake," Charlie chimed in from the back. "Witches are HEATHENS."

Juliet

It was then that Juliet realized a man had said something to her.


"Nice day for a... ride, wouldn't you say?"
.

Puh-lease. Laaaaaame.

"Do you, like, know where I can like, leave my bags right now?" Juliet decided she might as well try to get this guy to help her. "I'm like, so totally lost," she let out a high pitch giggle, and then tossed her hair again as an afterthought.

Walt

The maid alomst took Walt's soiled shirt, but a girl punk rocker engaged him in conversation. Boone brushed off Walt.

Boone
"Okay, kid, I'm sorry. That's not really my job. You'll have to take it up with the laundry deck."


"Are you retarded? I'm not wearing this thing again! What kind of servant doesn't do what the guests tell him ... or her?"

But Boone and Shannon continued to talk, and Walt was forced to walk all the way to a corner to stuff his shirt in a trash bin.

Smokerson reprimanded the monkey for throwing feces at Walt, which ruined Walt's plans of getting Damian to poop on the monkey. Then there was another, more pleasant distraction, when Santa came in.

Bernard Nadler
"Ho ho ho, are there any good girls and boys here today? Santa has a present for you."


Since Walt was diverted disposing of his shirt, Alex beat him to Santa. Walt considered bumping her out of the way, but he realized that would look bad in front of Santa, and besides, that Ben was likely to give Walt another Look. So Walt got in line right behind her, forgetting about Ben not wanting Walt too close to Alex. He took a step back when he saw the monkey Karl on her shoulder. When it was his turn,

"Hey Santa, got something for me? I've been good."

Walt gave the Santa an artificial smile, and tried to look like a down-trodden boy too poor to have so much as a decent shirt.

Damian

Damian flew around out of the way, intimidated by the smoke monster thing for the moment. He was glad the monkey was scared, but as Karl had leapt onto Alex's shoulder, Karl was too close to Walt for an attack.

My chance will come.

Libby


"Why, my lady," Hurley replied with shock, alarmed that such a fair maiden had asked such a dark question. "I would never kill anyone, unless they were trying to kill me or one of my loyal subjects?" Hurley paused, considering the question carefully. "Or unless they were a witch. Witches should-eth be burned at the stake, lest they be allowed to cast their evil magicks."


Should-eth? That's not even a word. "Okay, burning alive. Gotcha. Tell you what, I'll join you in your quest." Maybe if I follow this nut, I'll stumble upon some great material.

Then a rather short man spoke up.

"Witches SHOULD be burned at the stake," Charlie chimed in from the back. "Witches are HEATHENS."

She turned on her recorder, arching an eyebrow. "Hellfire and brimstone preacher. Closeted homosexual. Sleeps with each lover only once before killing them and mutilating their bodies. Commits self-flagellation to atone for his sins."

She almost clicked it off, but remembered something at the last minute. "Oh yeah. The fat version of King Arthur burns his partners alive." She clicked it off and turned back to Hurley.

"So. When's this mission start?"

John "xblade42" Locke

John sat in his wheel chair, away from the crowd, glaring at everyone. He was the classic anti-social. All he wanted was his laptop, internet, a few Xena tapes, and hot pockets. Was that too much to ask?

He watched, seeing some man with a bunny, and rolled over to him, looking down at his keys and typed a message that read out on the screen facing Ben.

"R U gonna cook that rbbt?" he looked up at Beb, scratching his nose, and added, "lol :p"

Prof. Ford

Boone

"I'm not a 'miss'," he snapped. "And since the butler's already left, I can think of only one place where you may put your bags. Up your--"

He stopped with an angry sigh. "Certainly, sir, I'll take those for you," Dr. Ford looked interestedly after the young lady who had taken his bags in such a huffy and left. Well, fine, if she wanted to be so curt about it. He had a vague inclination that she had been on the verge of saying something very rude. He was going to have to keep an eye on that one. She was a very good candidate for a rebellion leader. If they were short on potatoes, it might just happen.

Beside him, a monkey was looking at him curiously. Dr. Ford smiled politely, and stepped aside. He was not a great fan of animals, especially when in his Tweed suit.

Juliet

"Um, hey, do you like, know, where like, we're supposed to be going?" She tossed her hair as she spoke. She found that this tactic made men more likely to respond to her questions. Dr. Ford looked placidly at the woman. "No, my dear lady, I'm afraid I do not," he replied politely. "Though, if you follow that young woman there..." he trailed off. The maid had already disappeared. "Well," he said, "I'm sure that she will return promptly! In the meantime, might I interest in you in a brief history of 18th century agrarian politics in Bolivia? Fascinating subject, horridly underrated..."

But she had already taken interest in a rather strangely clad man with a purple suit. Dr. Ford felt a twinge of jealousy. He was supposed to be the one with the best suit!

D-Day

Juliet

"Do you, like, know where I can like, leave my bags right now? I'm like, so totally lost," she let out a high pitch giggle, and then tossed her hair again as an afterthought. D-Day grinned. He really did like the stupid ones.

"No babe," he said to her, leaning against the wall casually. "But you know, I'd take your bags for you, anyday..." He winked at her. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm totally lost in your eyes..."

Jack Shephard, DJ Jears in Europe, J-Shepz to close family members and the American Youth

"J-SHEPZ IS IN THE - IN THE -IN THE -IN THE - ZZZZRRRRRRZZZZ -IN THE -EKA EKA EKA HOOOOOOOOOOUSE!"

J-Shepz walked up the dock to the Luff Boat, bouncing to the rhythm of his beats. "Yo yo yo," he greeted the passenger. "Yo, supz dawgs, it's yo boi, J-Shepz!" He reached into his jacket, turning up the music. He could feel the bassline thump against his chest. This was the way he liked it.

"Fo shizzle yo nizzle dizzles dawgs, we gon' rawk dis house!" he announced. He grabbed a nearby boy, some shirtless kid. "All righ' kidz! Come, show yo daddy what u got!" He stuck out his hand, waiting for a high five. "Don' leave me hangin', bro! Whack it sumthin' good, boi! It's yo man, J-Shepz!"

[ooc: LMAO at Jack! And Sawyer reminds me of Giles from BtVS.]

Shannon

As Boone trudged away, laden with the bags he'd been handed by the stuffy-looking guy in the tweed suit, she felt a twinge of pity for him. But it passed. Hey, he got himself a job where he has to dress like that, he can deal with the consequences.

She drained the rest of her Coke, binned the can, and decided to go and look for her cabin. On her way past the seating area, she gave the strange girl she'd met earlier - Kate - a smile.

Then she heard someone else arrive, loudly, and turned. Yeah, it was really him. She'd heard of "J-Shepz" as he called himself. He was some big-shot DJ popular in nightclubs.

Well, Shannon didn't much care for him. They'd met at a few music industry get-togethers. He'd just yelled a load of gibberish, and then flirted with every airheaded blonde in the room. That was exactly the kind of thing that really annoyed Shannon. She'd written a song (...or six) about it, but her stupid stuffy manager said they weren't what her fans wanted. Anyway, she really didn't like "J-Shepz". The only clubs she liked were the dark little places where they had live bands playing her kind of punk-rock.

Ben

Watching the young boy with narrowed eyes as he got very close to Alex, Ben barely noticed the man in the wheelchair approach until there was the sound of loud typing. He looked up into a small monitor.


"R U gonna cook that rbbt? lol :p"

Ben squinted uncertainly at it. "L-O-L?" he said slowly, turning in puzzlement to the bald man. "Colon-P? What are you talking about? And no," he added, clutching TomTom protectively to him once again, "I most certainly am not going to cook this rabbit. I don't know why you'd even suggest that."

He petted the bunny, leaning down to it and cooing soothingly as his eyes flitted between this strange new man and the boy he was planning to murder in the night. Of course, Ben never followed through with such plans. Well, not usually.

Penny

Penny turned at the sound of a loud cry, reaching into her handbag for her cricket bat in case it was some sort of very unstealthy rapist or the like.

"J-SHEPZ IS IN THE - IN THE -IN THE -IN THE - ZZZZRRRRRRZZZZ -IN THE -EKA EKA EKA HOOOOOOOOOOUSE!"

But then she recognised the voice, and the face. She'd been in Europe for several years, and he'd been very popular amongst the youth there. She flitted excitedly over to him, grabbing out a notepad and a pen rather than her weapon.

"DJ Jears!" she called excitedly, holding out the notepad to him. "I'm - I'm Penelope! I'm a big fan of yours! I used to groove to your hip-hopping beats all the time when I was fresh out of university! May I have your autograph, please?" Penny absentmindedly twiddled a bit of her hair. "This is so incredible!"

Bernard

The two youngest came up to the mall Santa.

Alex
"I'm a good girl, Santa,"


Alex's sweet smile and disposition was convincing. Bernard pulled out a wrapped package containing a tie-dye kit, with many dye colors and materials for making patterns.

"Here you go, sweetie, have a great time on the cruise."

Next came the boy who had done something that resulted in getting his shirt so stinking he had to throw it away. Bernard recognized the fake "poor innocent" smile from lots of experience at the mall. The "poor" routine would have been a lot more effective without the gold chains and overpriced sneakers.

Walt
"Hey Santa, got something for me? I've been good."


"I think you'll find this is just what you could use, young man."

Bernard pulled out a gift-wrapped book, "Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette and Good Manners," just as a loud DJ-type made an entrance and grabbed Walt.

Hope I have enough earplugs in my sack.

Hurley

"So. When's this mission start?"


"Well, m'lady," Hurley made another little bow, "it begins when we find the sword in the stone. I am-eth certain it is aboard this fine vessel." He looked around, noticing a round man in red robes to one side handing out gifts to children. "By god," he commented, "be that Merlin? He would know where our quest would best be begun."

"You there!" Hurley called out to the man. "Be you the wizard Merlin?"

Juliet

No babe," he said to her, leaning against the wall casually. "But you know, I'd take your bags for you, anyday..." He winked at her. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm totally lost in your eyes..."


"Okay, um...." Juliet was not sure how to respond to this. "Here's my stuff!" She handed him her pink suitcases.

Walt

After Alex got her present, probably a nice one, Santa gave one to Walt.

Bernard
"I think you'll find this is just what you could use, young man."


Feels like a book. I wanted some new game.

Before Walt could open it, there was an interruption.

Jack Shepard, DJ Jears in Europe, J-Shepz to close family members and the American Youth

"J-SHEPZ IS IN THE - IN THE -IN THE -IN THE - ZZZZRRRRRRZZZZ -IN THE -EKA EKA EKA HOOOOOOOOOOUSE!"


Cool, a real superstar, right here! That's more like it.

The music legend approached Walt, grabbing him away from Santa.

J-Shepz
"All righ' kidz! Come, show yo daddy what u got!" He stuck out his hand, waiting for a high five. "Don' leave me hangin', bro! Whack it sumthin' good, boi! It's yo man, J-Shepz!"


I bet that Ben doesn't go for J-Shepz's music. I hope Alex does.

Walt jumped up and slapped J-Shepz's hand as hard as he could,

"Right on, bro!"

and then Walt did a little dance, culminating in him spinning on his head. Walt took an exaggerated bow, expecting the spectators to appreciate his greatness. By then another fan had asked for J's autograph, and Walt had time to open his present.

"Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette and .... what kind of present is this? I don't need this. Santa, you wack!"

Damian

The demon parrot had been flying out of the way, but upon realizing his master's displeasure, streaked toward Santa, and ripped off his red cap. Then Damian dropped it on Karl the monkey, perched on Alex's shoulder, and flew toward the main passageway in case there was more retaliation.

Sun-Hwa Kwon, Elepant tamer

Sun walked up to the black smoke, anxios for the cruise. She was so amazed that she was going on it. It had been by pure fate that her and hr husband, Jin, had found golden tickets. She walked up to the black smoke and handed it her ticket.

She stared around, awed and suddenly felt hungry. She walked around searching for the kitchen. When she got there she saw a dark, curly haired woman standing with a white hat on. She seemed to be in charge there.

"What do you have, Miss? " she said sitting in one of the chairs.

Bernard

After giving presents to Alex and Walt, some apparent teen idol and a large man dressed like ancient royalty made a grand entrance. The flying nanny swooned and asked for an autograph, and the young rude boy did a silly dance, while the kingly presence approached.

Hurley
"You there!" Hurley called out to the man. "Be you the wizard Merlin?"


Merlin? He thinks he's King Arthur? But he doesn't have Excalibur. Let's see ... a sword in a big stone is impractical ... maybe on the holodecks ... I've got it.

"Shall render his own judgement the Great King. Behold, this package for you is destined."

Bernard handed King Hurley another wrapped present, this one a pincushion with a single pin in it.

Small scale, but it's the best I can do.

Then out of nowhere the parrot flew in and yanked off Bernard's Santa hat. Apparently someone didn't appreciate his gift.

Should have gotten a bird cage to put him in. And another one for the parrot.

To Bernard's consternation, the parrot dropped the hat on the monkey's head. He had to address Alex or Ben.

"Pardon me, can I have my hat back?"

Libby

"Why, my lady," Hurley replied with shock, alarmed that such a fair maiden had asked such a dark question. "I would never kill anyone, unless they were trying to kill me or one of my loyal subjects?" Hurley paused, considering the question carefully. "Or unless they were a witch. Witches should-eth be burned at the stake, lest they be allowed to cast their evil magicks."

Should-eth? That's not even a word. "Okay, burning alive. Gotcha. Tell you what, I'll join you in your quest." Maybe if I follow this nut, I'll stumble upon some great material.

Then a rather short man spoke up.

"Witches SHOULD be burned at the stake," Charlie chimed in from the back. "Witches are HEATHENS."

She turned on her recorder, arching an eyebrow. "Hellfire and brimstone preacher. Closeted homosexual. Sleeps with each lover only once before killing them and mutilating their bodies. Commits self-flagellation to atone for his sins."

She almost clicked it off, but remembered something at the last minute. "Oh yeah. The fat version of King Arthur burns his partners alive." She clicked it off and turned back to Hurley.

"So. When's this mission start?"

Hurley

" Shall render his own judgement the Great King. *Behold, this package for you is destined." *

"I thank thee, and thy wisdom and talent." Hurley replied with a deep bow.


"Hey King," she called, pointing at his gift from 'Santa'. "Whatcha got there?"


"Why," Hurley cried, "'tis a sword in a stone! If I can remove-eth it, 'twill mean I am-eth the true King!"

Hurley looked at the sword in the stone. The stone seemed...well, softer, than stone should have, and the sword was somewhat smaller than he had imagined. In fact, it appeared to be more pin-like than sword-like. However, the wizard Merlin was never wrong. Hurley knew that to succeed as King he would need to take his advice. He squinted at the sword with all his might, afraid he would not be able to pass this most important of tests.

He grasped the sword between his pointer and thumb, and removed it from the soft, feather-y stone.

Hurley turned, and bowed to the assembled audience, expecting applause.

"BOW BEFORE ME," he said in as loud a voice as he could muster. "FOR I AM-ETH THE ONE, TRUE KING OF CAMELOT!"

Libby


"Why," Hurley cried, "'tis a sword in a stone! If I can remove-eth it, 'twill mean I am-eth the true King!"
"Thaaaaaat would be a pincushion," she muttered under her breath, but Hurley paid her no attention, instead focusing intently upon his gift. His face went all scrunchy, and he plucked the pin from the cushion.


"BOW BEFORE ME," he said in as loud a voice as he could muster. "FOR I AM-ETH THE ONE, TRUE KING OF CAMELOT!"
She tucked her tape recorder into the pocket of her zip-up sweatshirt and clapped enthusiastically. The more people who go along with this, the easier it'll be for me to see something really crazy. "w00t!" she yelled. "Yeah, you go, Arthur! Or whatever it is you want to be called!"

Shannon

Quote:Hurley
"BOW BEFORE ME," he said in as loud a voice as he could muster. "FOR I AM-ETH THE ONE, TRUE KING OF CAMELOT!"

She heard a second loud voice, and saw this random fat guy, holding a pincushion in one hand brandishing a pin in the other. There was a blonde woman in a sweatshirt nearby, who suddenly started clapping enthusiastically.

She raised an eyebrow. What the... am I the only sane person here or something?

She headed over to fat-guy and enthusiastic-blonde-chick, hoping to find out exactly what they were so excited about. She thought for a moment, and decided that the blonde woman was probably the best person to talk to.

"Hey. So... what's the story on him, then?" She said, indicating the fat guy. "Is he crazy or something?"

Heyy... this is awesome! is it 2 late 2 join as Charles Widmore?